support to the Tara's & Kathy

From: Karen Kaplan (
Wed Feb 23 19:21:04 2000

Hi to both Tara's and thanks for saying what we all have gone through with doctors and family and friends. I hope Tara S has good luck with your surgery - like you, I've "only" had 3, and hope that maybe a 4th will be the last, if I can be sure it will help more than it will hurt. You never know where support will come from. Almost a year ago and after a 25 year silence, I emailed an old friend from college who now lives in England. Robert Louis has turned out to be the most supportive and caring man in my life through my recent cancer - surgery - post-op trauma. He's also my writing coach - I have a five page letter almost ready for the New York Times reporter who has been covering some of the medical mistake issues and also the doctor who carved his initials into his patient after her c-section. His feedback was "very impressive, clear, and no anger" Adhesions come at the end of it as I try to make the point of the absurdity of this zorro doctor malpractice case (scars on the outside vs scars on the inside). Now I just have to mail it, but am nervous about naming all these doctors.

And we have each other.

I just talked with Kathy - she sounds great & has already fallen for New York dill pickles! Her surgery with Dr. Reich is tomorrow at 10:30 a.m. I'll let you know how it goes as soon as I know.


>----- Original Message -----
From: Tara S <> To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS <> Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2000 10:37 AM Subject: Re: My name is Tara and.........

> Hi, Tara. I only discovered this forum myself about 1 1/2 months ago. I
know > how you feel - we all do - and I just want to let you know how supportive
> and helpful everyone here is. I'm looking at another operation in the next
2 > weeks (only my 4th, which around here is apparently not all that much, but
> it's been more than enough for me!) for adhesions, rectocele, enterocele,
> and a partial bowel obstruction. I know what you mean about how other
people > react to your illness. All the doctors have told me for the past 4 1/2
> years, "You're constipated - take laxatives!" Which can not be good for
that > length of time! Then there's the doctor who, without bothering to even
> examine me AT ALL told me, when I had an ectopic pregnancy, that I had bad
> cramps, then doped me up and sent me home! I nearly died the next night!
And > of course, my favorite, the female ob/gyn from some Middle Eastern country
> who informed me that chronic abdominal/pelvic pain in women is often due
to > having had multiple sexual partners and left it at that!
> Then there is your family, and your friends. They try - but it's hard for
> them to understand. And you know they want you to just "Snap out of it!" -
> sometimes they even say it and imply it can't be as bad as you say,
> especially when the doctors don't seem to think you should feel that bad.
> As for getting married, my husband is a wonderful person who has stuck
right > by me, does all the housework, takes care of our son, takes care of me,
and > has been supportive in everything, including the times I've lost jobs
> because of this, resulting in us nearly having the power shut off or even
> losing our apartment or house. I will admit, we are separating sometime in
> the future when this latest episode is over, but it has nothing to do with
> him giving up on me or anything like that. We are still very close. Not
only > is he my best friend, he always will be.
> I guess the point I'm trying to make here is, you have to take the risk of
> losing people to find the one who will really be there for you. And don't
> give up - those few people who do stay are the best things in the world to
> help you keep your sanity.
> Take care - and come back often. It's a good place to vent when you need
to. >
> Tara S.
> My name is Tara and I am suffering from this problem since I am 20 years
> old. My original surgery was for a very large ovarian cyst and 8 years
> and 7 surgeries later, I no longer have a gall bladder, an appendix, my
> left fallopian tube, my left ovary, and a few sections of my small
> intestine. I have not gone one year in the 8 without at least a month
> in the hospital and hyperal and lipids and portacaths and central lines
> and nasogastric tubes and lots of pain medication, etc. etc. You know
> the deal. I completely relate to everything you have all said on this
> forum and it is great to know that I am not alone. I, too, have felt
> like I wish it would just stop and I could just lay down to sleep and
> not wake up. I have days where I have only twinges of pain (twinges in
> my eyes, probably excruciating to the average person) and other days
> where I get pains that could make me suicidal or even homicidal. I am
> afraid 90% of the time that the next day will be spent in a hospital and
> I never plan too far in advance for anything. I am lonely because I
> feel as if nobody understands me or what I have been through. I have
> experienced emotions from people ranging from disenchantment to a
> complete fear that I have the "cooties" or something because I am ill
> all of the time. My doctors look sad and frustrated everytime they see
> me again in the hospital. I rarely see them in their offices because I
> am somewhat well when I am not hospitalized. My finances have suffered
> greatly and I feel as if I will never marry and find someone who is
> willing to stick with someone who spends as much time sick as she does
> healthy and cannot say that she will be well ever. I guess it is just
> nice to know that I am not alone. Who is Dr. Wiseman and why did he
> start this forum? Thank you all for your comments. I have found them
> both informative and helpful.

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