Hi Kathy L.,
I know exactly how you are feeling. Like, ok, is this surgery going to help?
Am I going to feel better? Am I going to pay and arm and a leg to have
another surgery that may just not help? Before I went to Scranton for
surgery I was so depressed because I was fighting with my health insurance
company, that's enough to send a person over the bridge in ice cold water! I
was depressed because here's vacation time I have to spend healing and
another vacation time my husband had to use for lil ole me. The day to day
battle of feeling guilty of feeling like total poop. (there goes my potty
mouth again) Then I thought of stupid things: how come they can clone a
sheep, but they can't cure adhesions, cancer, etc.? Argh the thoughts, the
voices, my brain was going to explode and I wanted to sleep all the time.
Then finally the thought hit me right after my surgery - BOING, like a
boom-a-rang hitting my head over and over again-let me put my depression into
good use, the more I wrote on this site, the more I read from other people,
the better I felt and finally, finally, I knew why I was a person with this
disease - to help others out there even though it meant sacraficing me, my
body. I guess what I started out saying was, it's normal to feel depressed
right now for you. There's lots going on in your life at this moment. Don't
feel bad because you are feeling this way. I think it's just a natural
course your feelings are taking. Just remember that I/we are all here are
routing for you and care for you and your well being. Please keep smiling
and keep the faith. ")
Hugs and Love,
~Chrissie