At Wed, 25 Oct 2000, Mary Wade wrote:
>
>This old girl has tried it all. Check it out!
>
>"You just need to get out and get moving"
>I walked
>I walked faster
>I jogged (looked silly)
>I felt more fit....but I still hurt
>
>"Get shoe inserts..that will take care of it. You hurt because you toe out a bit"
>OK! I want the best...sure $300
>You are right...my foot doesn't rock as much.
>Sure, it feels better than just plain shoes.
>Happy feet....but I still hurt.
>
>"OHhhhh....there's a hernia. See you in surgery."
>Gee....love these after surgery pain meds!
>I am GOOD!
>Ooops...out of meds.
>Ut oh...why is it...that now that my "problem is fixed"...that I still hurt?
>
>"This guy is a GREAT acupuncturist. Straight from China."
>Interesting.
>The needles don't hurt.
>Nice incense.
>$60 a session.
>I think my shoulder feels better....but I still hurt.
>
>"Chiropractors can help things that medical doctors can't."
>Great! That's me. Got my checkbook right here.
>Pop, crack, thump, homeopathic meds.
>He says I am not getting better because I am not coming in often enough.
>Phooey! I still hurt.
>
>"It's your weak abs. Do crunches"
>I really really hate to do crunches but I guess I have to.
>Day after day after day during crunches
>All sorts of crunches.
>People say "Have you lost weight?"
>"Looking good!" But I still hurt.
>
>"There is this lady at the health food store......."
>Hey...food...health...those things both sound good to me
>Protein powders, vitamins I never heard of before
>Compounds, Soy-everything
>Seaweed? Nope...I have my limits.
>OK...my tummy is full and I am all vitaminized.
>By the way, I am still hurting.
>
>"I want to send you to a special physical therapist. She specializes in pelvic floor rehabilitation."
>Now THIS is some strange PT!
>I go to the ob/gyn clinic.
>Kegals, "stretching the adhesions" via vaginal manipulation
>More ab work, stretches, ultrasound on the old old episiotomy scar.
>Umpteen pages of exercise to do each day
>Exercises plus walking takes 2 hours each day.
>I feel healthier. I feel more limber. I feel better.
>So why am I still hurting?
>
>"I removed all your adhesions. If you have pain, it's myofascial pain. Go to the pain clinic."
>A darned nice pain doc. Looks like Robin Williams.
>I think he really knows about pain because...I think I see pain on his face.
>I wonder what his story is.
>Adjust the meds.
>Learn about how pain can be there even when the source of the pain is gone.
>Learn about how my body has been trained to "tell" me it needs the pain to feel alive.
>Well, well. That's good news, I guess??? Oh..by the way, I still hurt.
>
>"I want you to try a different kind of PT. You will like Kathy!"
>And I DID like Kathy. And Kathy liked me.
>Kathy has fibromyalgia herself and knows about feeling bad.
>We go slowly. I am the perfect patient, she says.
>She does myofascial release. It feels good. I think it helps.
>I feel healthier. I feel more fit. I can laugh with a bit more abandon.
>I am exhausted from working, family and this regime.
>It takes me two hours a day to maintain this level.
>And "this level"? Well, even at this level....I still hurt, but just not as much.
>
>Kathy says, "I am ready to release you from therapy now. Find a massage therapist who can do myofascial release every week."
>OOOOOK! Does insurance pay? No? Didn't think so.
>Weekly massages with a therapist trained in myofascial release.
>My head is sooo relaxed. Oh, my shoulders are mush.
>Hands, fingers, toes, calves....they are all sleepy.
>Oh this is the most bitter/sweet experience of all
>When almost all of me is calm and relaxed
>When no other body tension is there to mask the hurt and distract me from it.
>A huge puddle of pain in my middle screams and beats at me like an toddler having a temper tantrum.
>I learn...really learn....just how much, I still hurt.
>
>So, finally....I start listening to myself.
>I ask, "Am I weak?" Well, no
>I ask, "Do I want to be sick?" No, I want to soar.
>I look around. "Are my same-aged peers as crippled up as I am?" Not at all.
>"Am I nuts?" Hell, no. I'm one of the sanest people I know :)
>So now what?
>Read, learn, read, learn, read. Talk to others with this problem.
>Decide that I will do whatever I can to get well.
>Gather up all the records. Contact the best of the best docs.
>Finally, I talk to a doctor who, before I can tell him where and how I hurt.....tells ME where, how, and why I hurt.
>
>Now I have hope. Hope feels really good.
>"Lub you, Gramma" the little one says.
>"And I love you, Honey."
>Thank you God, that my heart doesn't hurt.