Re: Survivor

From: Mary Wade (acbcsrt@kansas.net)
Thu Dec 21 18:30:26 2000


I had a strange reaction while reading Kathy's "gems." I was livid! And I was so rational about my own!. I guess with my own "gems" I've had time to think through the context and situation and they don't smart any more. I had to laugh at myself because here I had sent you all this nice little mental workbook task that I had hoped that we would think through together rationally.....and then when I got the first response.....my reaction was to spew out obscene words and gestures in defense of my friend Kathy!

Oh...a note about my list. That last comment on my list..the doctor who said, "I have nothing to offer you"...was one I threw in as a trick. Actually, that was a very humble, truthful approach, I felt. He made it clear that "he" didn't have anything to offer.....which is a whole lot different than closing the door. This doc is the one who ended up sticking by me. He told me that he would not recommend another surgery based on what he knew about adhesions. "Sadly," he said, "I think you will just have to live with it." I said, "Good. Then you are just the person I want to hire to play the devil's advocate. I'm going to bring you studies from juried medical journals to read. You tell me what is wrong with them." He seized the opportunity like a dog going after a bone. He made sure I had all the records to send to the doctors in PA. He called up Dr. Reich and questioned him. Then he called me in and said, "You have to do this. I have changed my mind."

At 04:42 PM 12/21/00 -0600, you wrote: >Dear Mary, Since your message did not appear as it "should've" -- I
>decided to re-post it for you. I like your idea of asking others to add
>to your list of "I COULD'VE/SHOULD'VE." I hope that many will respond
>with theirs as well. ( Please read my message to you -- below your
>message.) -- Helen
>
>[]]]] At Thu, 21 Dec 2000, Mary Wade wrote:
>
>Feeling good...oh so good...after my recent surgery with Drs. Reich and
>Redan. Now it just needs to stay this way! Grrrrrrrr.
>
>During this recuperation period, my mind has been working overtime
>thinkinabout the circumstances that have brought us all together here.
>Over the years, I could've/should've done SOOOO much better in
>advocating for my own care. It is tough because our problems are so
>little appreciated by the medical community. The fact that ARD is not
>widely recognized by the medical community keeps me from being bitter
>now about some of the assessments of my condition that were tossed my
>way over the years.
>
>I have been thinking about how I should've/could've followed up on all
>of these...ahem......"helpful" assessments. Here's my idea. Read
>through the following list of comments that I have received from
>professionals....mostly physicians....some physical therapists....over
>the years. I was STUpid to have let some of these assessments slide.
>But then, you know how it is when you hurt. I do know how I would
>handle this sort of drivel now, but maybe by throwing light on my own
>ineptness, this can serve to help others.
>
>Send me your ideas about how I could've/should've handled these comments
>that would not have left me stuck...for months and years....before once
>again reaching out for help.
>Get the idea? This is like a page in a workbook....a practice session in
>nudging our fellow fallible human beings, who happen to be in the
>medical profession, toward responsibility for their sometimes
>less-than-stellar dismissals of our complaints. Here goes! (I'll try to
>collect comments and put them all together in some sort of coherent
>fashion if you all send me ideas.)
>
>"You are just a tight-assed woman with a little myofascial pain."
>
>"The barium enema shows that you have the gut of an 80-year old." NOTE:
>I was 45 at the time.
>
>"You just need to get up and get moving."
>
>"All women have pelvic pain from time to time."
>
>"You have a Type A personality...more susceptible to stress."
>
>"Your problems are postural....stand up straight."
>
>"You just need to work on your abs and stretch out those tight
>hamstrings."
>
>"We don't really if the pain is physical or mental. Either way, you
>need help."
>
>"You need the pain to feel alive."
>
>"How is your relationship with your husband?"
>
>"There is a pain loop in your brain...you feel a bit of pain when you
>are stressed and you feel more stress when you feel pain. It's a
>vicious cycle. You need to break the cycle."
>
>"I have nothing to offer you."
>
>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
>
>Dear Mary,
>It is so good to hear that you are feeling good after your recent
>surgery with Drs. Reich and Redan at Scranton, PA. You reached out for
>help for your ARD ( adhesion-related disease ) by having your surgery
>done by two of the BEST surgeons in the world. By doing this the odds
>are in your favor for a successful recovery!! Best wishes for continued
>progress with the necessary healing that takes place following surgery!!
>
>Happy Holidays to you and your family!!
>
>With love, Helen
>


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