On Thur, Dec. 21st, Mary Wade wrote:
I had a strange reaction while reading Kathy's "gems." I was livid! And I was so rational about my own!. I guess with my own "gems" I've had time to think through the context and situation and they don't smart any more. I had to laugh at myself because here I had sent you all this nice little mental workbook task that I had hoped that we would think through together rationally.....and then when I got the first response.....my reaction was to spew out obscene words and gestures in defense of my friend Kathy!
Oh...a note about my list. That last comment on my list..the doctor who said, "I have nothing to offer you"...was one I threw in as a trick. Actually, that was a very humble, truthful approach, I felt. He made it clear that "he" didn't have anything to offer.....which is a whole lot different than closing the door. This doc is the one who ended up sticking by me. He told me that he would not recommend another surgery based on what he knew about adhesions. "Sadly," he said, "I think you will just have to live with it." I said, "Good. Then you are just the person I want to hire to play the devil's advocate. I'm going to bring you studies from juried medical journals to read. You tell me what is wrong with them." He seized the opportunity like a dog going after a bone. He made sure I had all the records to send to the doctors in PA. He called up Dr. Reich and questioned him. Then he called me in and said, "You have to do this. I have changed my mind."
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On Thu, Dec 21, Kathy L. wrote:
Okay, here are some of my gems from doctor's I've seen over the years:
I see you bite your nails. You must be a nervous person so that explains your pain.
Are you married ( I thought, gee what would be the correct answer to that question ).
You have to learn to live with the pain.
A surgeon wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole ( heard that after my surgery in July ). Thank God Dr. Redan didn't agree with that one.
How was your holiday? I said, not too good because I was in pain and vomiting. He said, I knew you would say that.
I am still in pain. The doctor said, what do you want me to do about it?
Just go out and enjoy the sunshine.
You need to eat fresh foods, nothing from a box mix.
You've seen 2 surgeons and been to us ( the ER ) three times, what more do you want from us ( this was the week my appendix burst )?
This is just a sample of the baloney that I have heard over many years. And the sad thing is, even if you disagree with these doctors, they still just don't get it.
Thank God for the wonderful Family Practitioner I found 3 years ago. She has saved my life and my sanity.
Thanks for listening!
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At Thu, 21 Dec 2000, Mary Wade wrote:
Feeling good...oh so good...after my recent surgery with Drs. Reich and Redan. Now it just needs to stay this way! Grrrrrrrr.
During this recuperation period, my mind has been working overtime thinkinabout the circumstances that have brought us all together here. Over the years, I could've/should've done SOOOO much better in advocating for my own care. It is tough because our problems are so little appreciated by the medical community. The fact that ARD is not widely recognized by the medical community keeps me from being bitter now about some of the assessments of my condition that were tossed my way over the years.
I have been thinking about how I should've/could've followed up on all of these...ahem......"helpful" assessments. Here's my idea. Read through the following list of comments that I have received from professionals....mostly physicians....some physical therapists....over the years. I was STUpid to have let some of these assessments slide. But then, you know how it is when you hurt. I do know how I would handle this sort of drivel now, but maybe by throwing light on my own ineptness, this can serve to help others.
Send me your ideas about how I could've/should've handled these comments that would not have left me stuck...for months and years....before once again reaching out for help. Get the idea? This is like a page in a workbook....a practice session in nudging our fellow fallible human beings, who happen to be in the medical profession, toward responsibility for their sometimes less-than-stellar dismissals of our complaints. Here goes! (I'll try to collect comments and put them all together in some sort of coherent fashion if you all send me ideas.)
"You are just a tight-assed woman with a little myofascial pain."
"The barium enema shows that you have the gut of an 80-year old." NOTE: I was 45 at the time.
"You just need to get up and get moving."
"All women have pelvic pain from time to time."
"You have a Type A personality...more susceptible to stress."
"Your problems are postural....stand up straight."
"You just need to work on your abs and stretch out those tight hamstrings."
"We don't really if the pain is physical or mental. Either way, you need help."
"You need the pain to feel alive."
"How is your relationship with your husband?"
"There is a pain loop in your brain...you feel a bit of pain when you are stressed and you feel more stress when you feel pain. It's a vicious cycle. You need to break the cycle."
"I have nothing to offer you."