Re:Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 14:57:13 -0800
From: Terri Lynch (tdlynch@alltel.net)
Wed Jan 24 12:57:58 2001
Hi Kate,
It really feels good to know that you and your husband made it. I knew it would be hard on us. That we were going to go threw a trial that was going to take its toll on us. I know that when someone gets ill they in turn unintentionally become hateful to the other. My problem was I asked him to take a day off that I was tired of seeing him work himself into the ground. That he would be no good to me and his boys if he were dead. That he needed to take time for his family. Man, I should have never said that. It didn't go to good. He just went off the depend. He has worked two months straight with out a day off and working 10-14 a day. I told him that I needed him and just down right missed him. I guess I opened a flood gate. He has went on and on and on and I am really hoping and praying that he gets it out and then realizes that the person he is walking away from someone that loves him so deeply. I have decided to go see a counselor for my self. I know I need that very much right now. He said I was crazy......I know I am not. If he had to deal with all I go threw and the pain, the Drs., the meds, he would be crazy....I know I am not crazy. I just am depressed.....I hope the surgery does go well. but, I also know that this is not always going to help everyone. I will just have to leave it all up to God......
Thanks for all the support. You can't believe the help it has given me.....I feel allot more at peace with everything. And that is a big change from this morning.
Love, Terri
-----Original Message-----
From: Kate Murphy <katemm@mindspring.com>
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS <adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
Date: Wednesday, January 24, 2001 11:34 AM
Subject: Re:
On 24 Jan 2001, at 9:11, Terri Lynch wrote:
Hi everyone. I really need some prayers my way. This disease has really gotten to me and my family.
Dear Terri,
There is little more stressful on a family than chronic illness. I had only been married a year when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and then, in the following year, colon cancer.
There were times I wanted to scream, run away, hide . . . and I just knew my husband couldn't understand. We've been married now for more than twenty years, almost all of them full of illness. Somehow, he decided to be with me and support me, and I love him dearly for all he has given up to be with me.
When I thought I had a recurrence of breast cancer, he was upset that I kept it to myself and didn't tell him right away. "We're in this together."
However, it took a long time and lots of soul-searching on both our parts to get to this point. When I was first trying to cope, I blamed him for things he couldn't fix and I couldn't control. I was depressed and angry -- and, quite frankly, a bitch a lot of the time.
I am glad that your husband has decided to stick with you until this surgery. However, remember that surgery is NOT always the answer. Don't hang all your hopes and his hopes on it.
If he won't go to a counselor, go by yourself so you can learn how to cope with your illness and what it means to your marriage.
It hurts a lot when the people we care most about don't understand our pain and frustration, but it happens more than you can know.
Kate
Kate Murphy
katemm@mindspring.com