Love to all, Karla
>----- Original Message -----
From: "rikam" <rikam@uswest.net>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS"
<adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
Sent: Monday, March 12, 2001 3:49 AM
Subject: Re: A Note from Dr. Redan
> It was kind of you to clarify things. It might be best in the future to
> just contact the person off list, in person, in a kind and gentle manner
> asking first, if it is okay that you contacted her and second, ask if she
> would like to discuss her concerns or experience because you do care about
> her as a person and if she had an upsetting experience you want to see
that
> it is avoided in the future...by her or by other prospective clients.
> Maybe listen to what she has to say. Apologize on behalf of the office.
> But definitely not become defensive, abusive, or threatening. Anyway, the
> folks here discuss personal private matters in detail. They share their
> hopes, dreams, feelings, experiences, and just let it all out. Just like
> friends do because they are friends. They discuss experiences they have
> seeking treatment as well as what they feel about those experiences.
> Feelings are not right or wrong....they just are. That's why we have
> friends to help us by listening to us. It is a bit of a shocker to have
a
> doctor suddenly flutter down during someone's moment of sharing...it's not
> the first time either and it's not the first time someone has felt gagged
by
> it ...as the "final word" popped out of nowhere...authoritative and
> opinionated although this is a disservice. Anyway if you just want to
> watch us, observe us, listen to us, then please, when someone is feeling
> passionately, and expressing those feelings, regardless of who they are
> feeling them toward(a particular hospital, pain clinic, doctor, surgeon,
> etc), please...allow them to seek support and get it out of their system.
> We are not here to judge each other. We are here to accept them
> unconditionally. We are not presenting ourselves here as perfect
> individuals either. We are intelligent. We know how to make decisions
and
> educated ones at that. We are not going to be swayed by one opinion
stated
> one time. That's not even the point. The point was she was feeling
pretty
> miserable. She needed us. She needed support, kindness, her friends. If
> you are going to participate it would be nice if you could do it in a
kind,
> gentle, non judgmental, supportive manner. You don't have to agree with
the
> person, just be their friend. She wasn't confronting you on the board
only
> expressing her feelings just as many others before her have. Folks here
> need to feel the freedom to speak safely and openly without fear of
> judgement, embarrassment, or feeling as though they are being watched
over.
> We have families too. We have little children who don't understand why
> mommy or daddy can't play anymore. They don't understand that it takes
> money to fix their parent, even if that parent's problem was the direct
> result of a doctor's err. So folks whose lives suffer limitations due to
> ARD can become frustrated when they realize the one thing that may stand
> between pain free living, an ease in pain, or getting something of a life
> back, is money...it can be very frustrating and difficult to deal with. I
> can understand you'd like to understand where we are coming from. This
> isn't science though. We are not lab mice. We are folks. Real Folks. .
> Being observed can be uncomfortable for some. If you had a support group
of
> surgeons who share their thoughts, feelings, failure, shortcomings,
opinions
> of patients, other doctors, etc. in an open, honest, point blank, blunt
> manner, would you want to be observed? If you want to help us and help
> others with ARD, why don't you ask us how you can help us? Ask us what
our
> opinions are. Ask us what we think. Why don't you brainstorm ways to get
> the surgery affordable, better insurance coverage, help set up a fund for
> those without resources, solicit donations, etc...all of those would help.
> But if you ask us how you can help us, be prepared to hear the truth but
> please reserve excuses and judgements...and for heaven's sake don't take
> things personally if you are just peering in at us...
>