Re: A Note from Dr. Redan

From: Karla (ifirgit@new.rr.com)
Mon Mar 12 04:27:46 2001


While phrased very nicely, I must reiterate the request that this stop now. Many of the things that you mention...such as suggestions towards how to raise funds are available through volunteers throughout this society. It is done on a one to one basis as it comes up because circumstances are so different from person to person...but this help is available and is being offered. Please understand that I am not trying to attack.....just trying to make you, along with others, aware that while you might not know it....these things are occurring within this group. I personally apologize for not making everyone aware that this information is available and is being given out....as we the volunteers become aware of individuals needing this information. Perhaps the fault lies with myself....for not realizing at what point you were at in reaching out for medical treatment and giving you all of the information which we have available. For that I offer my most humble apologies....but please let us bring this to an end, without causing the destruction of this bulletin board.

Love to all, Karla

>----- Original Message -----
From: "rikam" <rikam@uswest.net> To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com> Sent: Monday, March 12, 2001 3:49 AM Subject: Re: A Note from Dr. Redan

> It was kind of you to clarify things. It might be best in the future to
> just contact the person off list, in person, in a kind and gentle manner
> asking first, if it is okay that you contacted her and second, ask if she
> would like to discuss her concerns or experience because you do care about
> her as a person and if she had an upsetting experience you want to see
that > it is avoided in the future...by her or by other prospective clients.
> Maybe listen to what she has to say. Apologize on behalf of the office.
> But definitely not become defensive, abusive, or threatening. Anyway, the
> folks here discuss personal private matters in detail. They share their
> hopes, dreams, feelings, experiences, and just let it all out. Just like
> friends do because they are friends. They discuss experiences they have
> seeking treatment as well as what they feel about those experiences.
> Feelings are not right or wrong....they just are. That's why we have
> friends to help us by listening to us. It is a bit of a shocker to have
a > doctor suddenly flutter down during someone's moment of sharing...it's not
> the first time either and it's not the first time someone has felt gagged
by > it ...as the "final word" popped out of nowhere...authoritative and
> opinionated although this is a disservice. Anyway if you just want to
> watch us, observe us, listen to us, then please, when someone is feeling
> passionately, and expressing those feelings, regardless of who they are
> feeling them toward(a particular hospital, pain clinic, doctor, surgeon,
> etc), please...allow them to seek support and get it out of their system.
> We are not here to judge each other. We are here to accept them
> unconditionally. We are not presenting ourselves here as perfect
> individuals either. We are intelligent. We know how to make decisions
and > educated ones at that. We are not going to be swayed by one opinion
stated > one time. That's not even the point. The point was she was feeling
pretty > miserable. She needed us. She needed support, kindness, her friends. If
> you are going to participate it would be nice if you could do it in a
kind, > gentle, non judgmental, supportive manner. You don't have to agree with
the > person, just be their friend. She wasn't confronting you on the board
only > expressing her feelings just as many others before her have. Folks here
> need to feel the freedom to speak safely and openly without fear of
> judgement, embarrassment, or feeling as though they are being watched
over. > We have families too. We have little children who don't understand why
> mommy or daddy can't play anymore. They don't understand that it takes
> money to fix their parent, even if that parent's problem was the direct
> result of a doctor's err. So folks whose lives suffer limitations due to
> ARD can become frustrated when they realize the one thing that may stand
> between pain free living, an ease in pain, or getting something of a life
> back, is money...it can be very frustrating and difficult to deal with. I
> can understand you'd like to understand where we are coming from. This
> isn't science though. We are not lab mice. We are folks. Real Folks. .
> Being observed can be uncomfortable for some. If you had a support group
of > surgeons who share their thoughts, feelings, failure, shortcomings,
opinions > of patients, other doctors, etc. in an open, honest, point blank, blunt
> manner, would you want to be observed? If you want to help us and help
> others with ARD, why don't you ask us how you can help us? Ask us what
our > opinions are. Ask us what we think. Why don't you brainstorm ways to get
> the surgery affordable, better insurance coverage, help set up a fund for
> those without resources, solicit donations, etc...all of those would help.
> But if you ask us how you can help us, be prepared to hear the truth but
> please reserve excuses and judgements...and for heaven's sake don't take
> things personally if you are just peering in at us...
>


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