> ----- Original Message -----
From: Karla
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2001 10:56 PM
Subject: Re: ((((((Karla)))))))))
Trace and all,
Thank you for your wonderful words that help to soothe the soul...they really do.
I really need to begin hearing about more alternative suggestions. I have been the route of many of them....including hypnotism...but none have worked. Right now I am on oral morphine and neurontin and I pray that I can make it thru today. I just want so badly to be there for my daughter.....just for once....today is the baby's funeral. I carry such tremendous guilt as I have never been there when she really needed me. I have always been too sick and in too much pain. I couldn't even be there for her when her baby died on Saturday....I was off trying to have a vacation before I went for surgery. I could only hear her cries of pain over the telephone....now I ache with pain as she turns to others who were there. Honestly, I know that it is not my fault...but that does not take the pain away....it does not make my daughter come to me for comfort. I have no resentment towards her....only love as only a mother can have. I know her pain....because I truly believe that I lost my only child a few years ago when she needed me so badly and I was so sick....unable to help her as she grew into womanhood.
I am sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a pity party....just needed to cry.
Karla
> ----- Original Message -----
From: niko
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2001 5:03 AM
Subject: ((((((Karla)))))))))
Hi Karla,
Thankyou for your post. It was really special to read something so personal in such difficult times for you. I kinda felt your pain and wanted to give you a hug so much. I'm glad you are not having surgery too .. hehe.. you are important to this group too ya know ;-)) Too many people love and care for you !!
Karla can we help you with any alternative therapy suggestions? My heart is sinking thinking of you in pain. I truly believe there MUST be a way, there just has to be. Forever the optimist I know.
I sincerely hope you stay on the board for us all. Your incredible courage throughout these weeks has truly been inspirational, I know you have helped me alot. You really have.
So, if nothing else, I want to say thankyou. I want to tell you that we all care. And that your input would be missed ;-))
Your pain pal Trace xo
> ----- Original Message -----
From: Karla
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Sent: Tuesday, 13 March 2001 7:09
Subject: support group
On March 11th I wrote to this group explaining that I would not be posting for awhile because of the passing of my grandson. In reality, I have probably posted more since then, than I ever have. But that is because in the past this has been home to so much support and love. I thank each and everyone of you for your support during my loss, as well as in the past.
I am scheduled to have the first of my surgeries on April 2nd but will no longer be able to do so. I don't think that I will ever undergo surgery. My daughter has begged me not to....she does not want me to die again...yes I say again, because I died last summer and was brought back. She does not want to lose me....something she couldn't tell me a couple of months ago. Actually, she did tell me that...but it was something that I was unable to accept...until her recent loss. There was no way that I was going to continue living with the pain...no way I was going to live looking like I am 9 years pregnant....no way I was going to continue to live with the constant leakage of urine....afraid to go out in public. But do you know what? It doesn't matter any more! Little does my daughter realize that her father's health is a real issue right at this moment. How can I possibly put myself at such extreme risk of dying so much sooner than I will if I wait....and yes, I will die, but maybe she will have time to deal with all of her pain and heal some of her wounds. So I have chosen not to have the surgery.
This group has been the support that I have so desperately needed. It has provided me with a diversion from my pain...allowing me to reach out to others that suffer and need help...trying to prevent them from getting into the trouble that I now have. This is why, despite dealing with the death of my grandson, I have continued to reach out to this site...because it has given me strength, but I must admit that it has not been that way lately. This support group has now become the source of increased pain for me. I cannot continue to allow myself to be upset by words that are said...and words that continue to appear...if for no other reason then we fail to remove them from our own postings.
Since I am chosing not to have my surgery perhaps it is best...if nothing else but for me...if I leave this group again. I wish everyone on here nothing but love and hope. I pray that you find the answers to your pain. I just beg of you to thoroughly research the doctors that you chose...demand to know what procedures they will be using....and demand to receive treatment according to your rights as a human being.
I had considered removing my posting from the adhesion quilt, but I will continue to allow it to stay with the hopes that when people come to this site ready to jump into surgery, someone can point them to my story and ask them to read it and then at least take the time to research and ask questions.
God's Blessings to all.
Karla N.