> The new priest. > > A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly > speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The > monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on > the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I > start to get nervous, I take a sip." > > So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the > beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He > proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after > mass, he found the following note on his door: > > 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. > > 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. > > 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. > > 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. > > 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. > > 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. > > 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, > Junior, and the Spook. > > 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. > > 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, > don't say he was stoned off his ass. > > 10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! > > 11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take > this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me." > > 12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the > Cherry". > > 13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, > thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally... > > 14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at > St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.