Re: LADIES!!!!!!
From: Em (ewaa@earthlink.net)
Wed Feb 13 11:13:37 2002
Karla,
I think you pretty much summed up what many people on this site might
have replied to Maria's original message. I will only add that there is
no one out there who has understood my pain. The thought that adhesions
do not cause pain is not only contained to the medical world, for my
immediate support, i.e., family, friends, etc.. who have little
knowledge of what pain from adhesions are like. This site and message
board has allowed me to investigate possible methods of coping with my
pain on many different levels. I have also been given advice, which I
deem as invaluable, since the medical advice I do receive is mostly
psychologically damaging to my well being.
There are levels of pain, levels of debilitation, and levels of support
one can give. I know that I am lucky to be "better" off than most, but
it is not up to me to prove to anyone what my level of suffering is. I
do not wish to even try and outdo another based on the severity of
disease or pain. Each individual will get what they want out of this
site. There are degrees of separation, don't make them larger than need
be.
At Wed, 13 Feb 2002, Karla wrote:
>
>Maria,
>
>I would like to stand up in defense of this board and try and make something
>clear. There is a lot of emotional pain here....it isn't something we talk
>alot about because it is very personal. Each of us has our own physical
>pain and our own emotional pain. I knew Caroline's story because when she
>first posted I wrote to her. Even before she told me the details I knew
>what she was going to say. Unfortunately, this happens way too often.
>There was a woman on this group...I don't know if she still posts...honestly
>I don't remember who she was....names and stories run together for me...who
>was told that she had to have a hysterectomy too. When they cut her open
>and started to perform the hysterectomy they discovered she was pregnant!
>It was too late for that baby and too late to reverse a procedure that took
>away her abilities to have children. Should she be angry? You are damn
>right! Should Caroline be angry! Damn right again!! But to take her anger
>out on everyone because of a misunderstanding is wrong. Do you want to know
>what everyone's emotional pain is? Do you care to know that this past year
>I lost my only grandson to SIDS? Do you want to hear how I went into kidney
>failure right after the baby's death and the doctor didn't expect me to
>live? Do you want to know that I am dying now? As far as I am concerned I
>get talked about too much. My only reason for being here is to be
>supportive of each and every person. When I say my prayers each day...and
>believe me I pray many, many times a day, I don't just pray for myself or
>for a few select people. I pray for each and every person on this list
>because each and every one has their own pain. No one person's pain is any
>greater than the next. It doesn't matter whether there have been 2
>surgeries or 50. Pain is pain. Just because I have had more than 50
>surgeries doesn't mean I need prayers more than anyone else. But it doesn't
>mean that I don't need them and that I am not grateful for each and every
>person who thinks of me. Participating on this board is not easy. I get
>sick just watching people go out and have more surgery believing it is going
>to help them, only to have them return to the board in more pain than ever.
>Do you think that because they didn't listen to me I will turn my back on
>them? You can't. They need the support as much as everyone else. When you
>become involved in a board such as this one you have to learn to overlook
>the differences in personalities. Not everyone is going to get along. Not
>everyone is going to have the same opinion, but everyone has the right to
>voice them. As long as nasty comments aren't being made it is okay to
>discuss both opinions. Not everyone is going to think of every person on
>the board....but that doesn't mean that we don't pray for everyone or that
>we don't have good wishes for everyone. If you have people that you don't
>see eye to eye with you learn to avoid their posts so that you're anger is
>not focused on them. Why are we wasting all of our energy on fighting
>amongst ourselves? We should be taking that anger and directing it where it
>belongs.
>
>And as a PS...it is pretty lame to make an attack on a person who prayed for
>a dog. Maybe, just maybe that person isn't able to have kids either. Maybe
>just maybe that person went through the same thing as Caroline. Maybe, just
>maybe, those dogs are that person's CHILDREN! You know, I had those same
>thoughts to a lesser extent. How can people mourn the loss of a dog? It
>has no comparison to losing a child or a grandchild.....but then I thought
>"What gives me the right to say who or what someone can mourn and how?" I
>am no better than you...because I had those thoughts, but at least I thought
>about it before I made comments to hurt innocent people. I think we all
>need a lesson in humility here.
>
>--
>Karla
>
>Somewhere up in the stars.................
>My angel and me!
>
>http://www.geocities.com/karlasfamily2001
>http://www.geocities.com/princessd82000/BraydensHaven
>
>>>----- Original Message -----
>From: "maria" <marialeighgrover@hotmail.com>
>To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS"
><adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2002 9:23 AM
>Subject: LADIES!!!!!!
>
>> Hello Ladies-
>> I have been following this board for the past several months, and have
>> never felt the urge to contribute until now. I have responded
>> individually to certain people that have posted, but not directly to
>> this site. I just want to introduce my self and also make a few
>> comments. My name is Maria, and I too am an adhesions sufferer. Over
>> the past couple of days I have seen somethings posted on this board that
>> is rather childish. First of all, Im not here to defend anyone or
>> theyre actions or statements, but I have chatted several times with
>> Caroline. I have noticed, and if you would like I can point out
>> specific instances, but I choose not to. All of the messages I have
>> read from everyone, keep in mind Im not singling anyone out here, are
>> complaints about physical pain. I know that physical pain is very
>> debilitating, as I have dealt with all of the same issues as everyone
>> else. Lets take a moment and look at emotional pain. From what I have
>> read, The majority of you all have children, grandchildre, ect. Well,
>> If you would have taken the time to get to know Caroline, she is a 30
>> year old woman that will never be able to experience the joys (and
>> sorrows) of parenthood. This woman was diagnosed with a deadly form of
>> Ovarian Cancer, Stage 3c. If any of you know anything about Ovarian
>> Cancer, tthe 5 year survival rate is less than 30 percent. Caroline was
>> trying to get pregnant, when this was diagnosed. Of course she is going
>> to choose what ever option will gaurantee the best rate of survival, as
>> I cant imagine what the emotional toll of a cancer diagnosis would be,
>> and not any one of you can either, no matter how many surgeries you ahve
>> had, is nothing, Im sure is like being told that you have a death
>> sentence. Okay, are you with me? Well Consider that you go through with
>> aggressive surgery, Hysterectomy ect.. only to be told 2 weeks later
>> that you NEVER had cancer to start with? Now she is left to recover from
>> the initial shock of having cancer, from not being able to have kids, or
>> a family and the fact that the whole procedure was in vain. You ladies
>> need to get out of your self pity, and realize that there is so much
>> more devastation in emotional pain than there ever will be in physical
>> pain. Caroline has told me that she would rather live with horrible
>> physical pain WITHOUT any pain meication, as to be left without ever
>> being a mother. Rather than continue to dog someone who is obviously
>> hurting tremendously, with all of your cries for attention, and
>> justification, why dont you address the real matter at hand? You all say
>> that you build these websites to help others, I have seen NO help from
>> any of you, well maybe 1 or 2 (I mean you Kel) only condemnation. So if
>> you really want to help someone else, why not offer emotional support to
>> someone rather than all of this "medical expertise"? None of us are
>> perfect, and we need to consider the source before getting so emotional
>> about someones cry for help.
>> One other thing that I feel I must comment on is all of this "prayer"
>> floating around.. I see prayers for this one and prayers for that one,
>> well I havent seen any one of you offer any prayers for Caroline, the
>> one who needs it most right now.
>> I hope you ladies dont read too much into what I have said here, PLEASE
>> take me at my word and nothing more. I think we all need to grow up a
>> little and put someone else before our selves, maybe we would all feel a
>> little better.
>> Maria
>>