Michelle, I just finished reading your latest post and must confess I missed your first one. I was pleased to see that you realised we weren't ignoring you... your post simply fell through the cracks, and yes that DOES happen sometimes. This message board doesn't have a moderator and so we must rely on each other to answer messages, cry's for help and share the joy of life's pleasures we have left.
I write now to offer you hope and to face you in the direction of the goal we all desire - a pain free life. Firstly, lets change the goal of being "pain-free" to "a functioning body, coping with minimal pain while still living a relatively normal life".
Is that possible? I hear you ask.... YES it is.... I have been there, thinking that it's hopeless that my life would be forever filled with pain, inactivity and no interaction with my beautiful daughters and my supportive husband. I turned that around Michelle, when like you, I was spending almost everyday in bed, dosed up on pain meds and crying over my "lost life".
If you look hard enough, you can always find someone with a different physical challenge to you, and you think, "Wow, how do they do it? How do they manage to be involved in everyday life?" They CHOOSE to do so. Yes, it's THAT simple. Look at Christopher Reeves! This is a man, paralysed from the NECK DOWN, on a respirator and in a wheelchair and he is LIVING ACTIVLY IN HIS LIFE!! He has his family around him and slowly, a little more each day, each week, each month he finds something else that he can do to be more involved in the world.... Does he have pain though? I honestly couldn't tell you, but gee, don't you think he has enough roadblocks in his path??
So Michelle, I watched Christopher Reeve on television and I was embarrassed, I can walk, I can talk, I can BREATH on my own!! I can drive the car, cook a meal, watch the school play and attend the parents committee meeting at school! Ok, yes there is a price to pay, I go to the school play, so I need to rest the WHOLE day before the play and I know that I will need at least two days after the play before I can think about doing something else! I think, well that's ok because the alternative is to not go at all.... miss out on my daughters delighted face because her mummy was there to see her play the "tree" or Mary in the nativity at Christmas... My eldest daughter in a comedy where she is "Steve Erwin (The Crocodile Hunter) and Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee) and seeing her quiet but shining eyes, because I am there, I am laughing and I am having fun.
I spend the next two days in bed, but I have visitors.... my hubby comes in for a chat and to share a cup of coffee and biscuits. We talk about the play or something funny one of them said earlier that day while getting ready for school. I spend time on the Internet talking to my ARD friends on msn chat, or I write letters to others on this board or on bombobeach.com then school finishes and my girls are home. Jess comes in and watches her afternoon TV shows with me (while I read a book! LOL Cartoons aren't my "thing" LOL) and tells me about her busy school day. The other girls wander in and out, questions about homework or to tell some tale about lunchtime dramas at an all girls' high school....
Michelle, the pain became intolerable and I was hospitalised for pain relief. That is the hardest time for all of my family, the girls miss me and so does my husband Shane. We stay in touch by phone and the Internet (when I am in Sydney three & a half hours from home) and wait for surgery. That to me is tough and lonely.
The good news is Michelle - HOPE is still in sight, on 1st August this year, had another adhesions lyses and a new barrier - SprayGel - was applied before closing. I am now ADHESIONS PAIN FREE, and I am now on far less than half of the pain medication I was on before surgery.
I have problems with my bowel and bladder BUT I am confident that I will continue to improve a little each day. I can enjoy more activities in one day now and cook meals a little more often than prior to surgery too. It can and will happen for you too Michelle, just find some small goals for yourself, choose activities that will satisfy you and learn the trade-off game "If I do this activity - it will cost me this many days resting or bed to recover from it". There is no point to spending all day in bed EVERYDAY if you haven't done something to look forward to or think about later to put that smile on your face.
On bombobeach.com you will find a section called "How to Cope" it will give you lots of tips and ideas to help you cope with pain on a daily basis, drugs alone won't do it Michelle, other weapons are needed to and believe it or not a few exciting or enjoyable activities will take your mind off pain better than days spent in bed drugged up to the eyeballs. I know, because I too have been there and done that. (((((Michelle)))) cyber hugs winging their way to you now.... don't loose hope - gain a few goals and enjoy what you have now.... don't ignore it!
Love & warm gentle hugs, Jo
-- Joanne Eslick Founder Australian Adhesions Support Group http://www.bombobeach.com NSW Australian Co-ordinator of International Adhesions Society http://www.adhesions.org
-- I am not a medical person, and all my messages are based on personal experience. I am a fellow adhesions sufferer reaching out to help others.