Rely:In-law problem
From: Dr.Linda Holland (dr_linda@pacbell.net)
Fri Dec 20 04:22:19 2002
Hello ladies,
My story on in-laws: My x- husband of 17 yrs...He had two little girls when
we met, ages 4& 6..I had two kids, 14 & 12, My kids treated these little
girls like sisters (real) We had a family, my mom bought every body the same
Christmas presents because I now had 4 kids... I had a little boy for him
and his family did not like me so their grandson was not treated like the
other grand children of the rest of the family. She would ask if the girls
could spend Christmas with them and not her grandson (a beautiful baby boy)
The rest the her family would say we are picking up the girls, but not
Kenny, one day the grand mother called a family meeting to buy all of her
grand children insurance policy's for college and my son was not included he
was ten at the time so he noticed that his sisters were invited to go to
grand mothers home for dinner and special meeting for all of the grand kids
, but not him! Oh by the way all of the kids lived with me, also the girls
would get presents like computers, dresses, and money for Xmas, and Kenny
would get a card with ten dollars!
It really pissed me off, everybody said they were old, and I should
understand! Oh they did not come to the hospital when he was born, their
first grand son!
The only way I could handle it was to not make a big deal, for my sons
sake! If the girls got expensive things from the in-laws, that would be less
they would get from us, and I would balance it up by buying Kenny the equiv.
for xmas..so as every body opened the same amount of stuff for xmas.
Fortunately I was in the position to buy what ever was necessary. How ever
by me not making a big deal eventually the girls noticed that their little
brother was being alienated buy the other family and they also compensated
for their brother... It made our family closer.. the nieces of the in-laws,
as they got older started to hang out over our house for xmas, and all of
the kids of all the family to date are very close cousins, because we did
not have the stupid in-law politics at our house!
So my advise to you is not to make a big deal, you love and treat
everybody the same and they will notice...Children are very intuitive!
Hope you have the patience to hang in there, it is not easy with all that
you have to deal with, but try not to let the in-law politics drain your
energy! I assure you as the kids get older you will be loved more by all of
the children in the family and you will receive help, love, and your kids
will get more attention in the long run by the ones they need it from. "The
in-laws will be "out-laws" as they get older they will wish they had all of
the grand children.!
Happy Holidays! You can vent any time you feel the urge it helps to
know that you are not alone!
Dr. Lyn
Los Angeles
>----- Original Message -----
From: "jason h rachal" <arshal@juno.com>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS"
<adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
Sent: Thursday, December 19, 2002 8:13 PM
Subject: Re: This is not adhesion related but need help with in-law problem
> BRENDA,
> YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THE IN LAW THING. I JUST HAD A HYST. AND I HAVE A
> 6YR(GIRL) AND 9YR(BOY) AND THE ONE PERSON I RELIED ON WAS MY
> MOTHER-IN-LAW BECAUSE MY PARENTS LIVE IN TEXAS. EVEN THOUGH SHE KEPT MY
> KIDS WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL PLUS THE OTHER GRANDCHILDREN NOT ONCE WHILE
> SHE WAS FIVE SECONDS AWAY DID SHE BRING MY KIDS TO SEE ME EVEN WHEN MY
> NINE YR. OLD THOUGHT I WAS DIEING. THE NEXT WEEK SHE TOOK THE REST OF THE
> GRANDCHILDREN 45MINUTES AWAY TO THE HOSPITAL SO THEY COULD WATCH A BABY
> BE BORN. I AM GLAD THE BABY WAS BORN, BUT SHE COULD NOT BRING MY KIDS
> WHEN I WAS IN BAD SHAPE AND SHE HAS BEEN REALY ODD AND MEAN TOWARDS US
> EVER SINCE AND KEEPS MAKING REALY SLY REMARKS TO HURT MY HUSBAND AND MY
> FEELINGS. HE SAYS SHE IS JUST OLD. THEN COME TO FIND OUT THE REST OF THE
> FAMILY HAS BEEN TALKING BEHIND ONE ANOTHERS BACK ALSO. SO THE FAMILY
> FUEDING FOR THE HOLIDAY. NOW I JUST SAY I AM FINE AND THE FAMILY TWO AND
> LET THEM DECIDE WHAT WE ARE DOING. MY POINT IS I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE
> FEELING AND EVERYONE SHOULD START THE NEW YEAR OFF BETTER. NO FAMILY
> FEUDING. I DONT KNOW IF THIS MADE YOU FEEL BETTER BUT IT MADE ME FEEL
> BETTER TO VENT WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THE SAME PROBLEM........NICKY
> On Thu, 19 Dec 2002 20:59:47 -0600 nancebln@earthlink.net (Brenda)
> writes:
> > I have very unusal in-laws and since I can not work because of my
> > problems with adhesions I am the one everyone calls about problems.
> > The
> > story is long but I will try and get to the point. My husbands
> > parents
> > have 2 grandchildren my husbands brothers little boy who is 5 and
> > our
> > son who is 3, they spend 4 days a week with Randy picking him up
> > from
> > school and take him to Walmart and spend at least $30 a week on toys
> > and
> > candy, it took me threatening to never talking to them to get them
> > to
> > spend time with our son, they never ask Jordan to go to Walmart
> > with
> > them or buy him gifts, I even suggested that they just give Jordan
> > the
> > same amount they spend on Randy to put in Jordans savings account,
> > they
> > never repsonded. When the family gets together they smother Randy
> > with
> > hugs and words of praise and hardley speak to Jordan. Jordan loves
> > them
> > and when they do come by to see him he is thrilled. At Christmas
> > last
> > year after we opened gifts and we went home they went to Randys home
> > and
> > took him more gifts. I have always been the person who makes sure
> > that
> > we all get together on holidays and spcial occasions, my husband and
> > his
> > brother have just started becoming friends since our children were
> > born,
> > there was alot of mistrust between them and I can see why it almost
> > seems that their parents pit them against each other. They want
> > our
> > children to be close, but with their parents spending so much much
> > more
> > time and money on Randy, Jordan will eventually notice and he will
> > resent Randy. Also my mother in law hates Randys new step mom and
> > is
> > always trying to blame her for everything that goes wrong, David my
> > husbands brother wants to have Christmas at their house this year
> > and my
> > mother in law is mad because they ask me to tell her, they knew how
> > she
> > would react and I am the only one who can stay calm and not wring
> > her
> > neck. She refused to make anything to bring unless they call and
> > ask
> > her to. I think everyone get s the picture on how things are no one
> > in
> > this family can get along, they are always looking for the bad in
> > each
> > other, and I am the one they call to vent. I want to say a prayer
> > this
> > Christmas about forgiving, trying to look for the good in each
> > other,
> > how our actions reflect on our children, on treating our children
> > and
> > grandchildren equally, that life is short and how much we have to
> > be
> > greatful for. The problem is I am not good at writing this sort of
> > thing and sort of start rambling like I am now. I know alot of you
> > are
> > good writers and if any of you know a prayer that fits my situation
> > or
> > can write one please email it to me at nancebln@earthlink.net.
> > I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.
> >
> > Thank you for listening to me.
> > Gentle Hugs
> > Brenda
> >
> > http://www.adhesions.org/forums/listcmds.htm
> >
>
|
