Re: Starting to get really down
From: Ms Lee (leenoga@cfl.rr.com)
Fri Feb 11 22:55:08 2005
My history is NO different, I am in-operable,
have 2 large bowel/small bowel fistula's from
adhesions/tons of surgeries & partial obstructions.
Next surgery I was promised a colostomy & double
bowel resection and I am 48. All Docs said to get
on with my life and they will not touch me unless
its life threatening and they have NO choice.
Right now I have choice, NO SURGERY!!
I finally figured it out, it is not how hard you
fall, its how soft you land. I had to accept my
disease because there was no fix for my case.
Yes, they give me #100 oxycodone a month, the
rest of my case management comes from within.
I know I will never be cured, so I stopped my
desperation to be "fixed" and changed my focus to
quality of life. I had to find the balance of
disease management and living my life without
elective imprisonment. The disease has taken
enough away from me and it makes no sense to
voluntarily allow it to take more.
I hate my adhesive disease, I hate my struggle
with food, I hate the emotional hangups and self
esteem issues it has caused, I hate making excuses
to friends to avoid food socials, I hate hoping I
find a bathroom in time, I hate sitting at the
table when others eat at holidays and I do not,
I hate the pain, I hate being addicted to narcotics,
I hate wondering when its gonna act up and place me
in an embarrassing situo..I hate it all.
But, I am so grateful to be alive, and if this
is the worst thing life can deal me, I got off
light :-))
Original message:
>WOW!! IWAS STARTING TO THINK I WAS ALONE.I TOO HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH
>EXTREME PAIN......
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