I am here and finally see I am not alone.
From: Monica (apixie@sbcglobal.net)
Thu May 26 23:41:51 2005
My name is Monica. I am a 32 year old mother of two
I weigh between 100 and 110 lbs). I have had 9
surgeries and might be having my tenth later this year.
It started as I fell on the bar of a mans bicycle.
I ruptured everything down there externally. It took
me almost a year to heal. (broke all the blood vessels)
Then I had periods that were 3 weeks out of the month.
4 laporoscopies later I had my vaginal hysterectomy at
age 24. The Dr forgot to tie a vein so an emergency
laporotomy was done three days later. One year later
another laporotomy was done. In 2000 my ultrasound
showed a mass 11 cm long and growing...Adhesions had
glued my intestines to my pelvic cavity..I was filling
up with a brown fluid (the after blood they said).
An enormous cyst removed, a bowel resection and all
my pelvic adhesions removed (with appendix). A year
and more then 15 hospital visits later (lasting three
to four days with obstruction) another lap surgery
done a year after that...another done and so on. It
has been almost two years since my last surgery(performed
by my gastroentorologist and gyno). I try and not be an
emotional wreck....some days are better then others.
I walk around starving so I dont get the pain when I
eat. Some days I go nuts and gorge hardley tasting
anything....my body screams for food. I then climb
the moutain to get back on track and away from the
binge eating.
My pain grows worse yet this time it is my ovaries.
I collect so much ascites fluid inside me I dont know
my real true weight. I felt good the other night having
not eaten much at all...time for some love with my
dearest boyfriend. Yet the pain was so intense I spent
the aftermath retching from it. I am broken I kept
crying. I am so sorry I kept saying. I woke this
morning having to take my pills (compazine, darvecet,
bentyl) and feeling as though I was just released from
an all night battle with my body. The worst is
always at night. Even in my dreams I awake from there
horror of pain and gore to find......I have been in
massive pain as I slept. No doctor here in the valley
will perform the surgery to remove my ovaries. I might
not make it through is their answer. To MT Zion I
went in hopes of finding someone. I so despertly want
a cure. I have had the gel the mesh....within six
months I am not longer pain free nor am I able to eat.
Dr **** suggested shutting down my ovaries. Putting
me into full menapause for three months (lupron). IF
the pain persists, there is nothing he can do, it's
just adhesions. If the pain goes away he will do the
surgery. Since my bowels are so close to my skin now
an automatic resection would be done even if only
removing my pocketed ovaries. It's to much they say.
No one wants to try. Resection after resection.
Cysts after adhesions..I feel like such a loser when
I miss work as I did today. I want to be my old
self...so my boyfriend sent me this web link...The
first letter I saw was a women like me. I wept
profusly. I was not alone. Why had I not tried to
find more like me over the years? I dont know. I
am gratful to find someone cared enough to show me.
So I am here. Whether what I have been through can
help you or you can help me...Know I am here. I am
with you in your pain and suffering.
We are no longer alone.
Thank you all for your words, discoveries and
feelings. Today an immense burden was lifted
from me.
--
Your friend in life through pain and frustration,
Monica
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