I hate the depression that comes with the pain
From: Rachel (rachlux68@yahoo.com)
Thu Dec 29 22:09:48 2005
I am now in pain again & it is soooo depressing. I know this is normal
for me, but every time the pain starts getting worse I get into a
depression. I hate dealing with this alone. I also hate hearing how
everyone else has it worse off than me & why should I be depressed. I
love that answer the best. Those people who don't understand why I am
getting depressed about it, people who have no idea what pain is, keep
telling me how lucky I am that my son is healthy & that I have a job &
that I am alive & that I am luckier than most because I have nothing
life threatening. Well, first, there is no longer any way to know if
this is life threatening or not. Every surgery is taking a chance with
my life.
Second, so what if there are people worse off than me, that
doesnt mean I am not in bad shape or depressed. And I love the ones who
tell me that I have friends, or that I have family that loves me. I
dont see ANYONE around when I am in pain. I dont see anyone running out
to get me a heating pad because I cant find mine. I dont see anyone
offering to get me dinner because i just cant get up to make my own. I
go to work & come home...that is about it. I am so lonely & depressed
about it. Maybe it has to do with the holidays & every year hoping that
the next one I wont be alone, but each year I am as alone as the last. I
just dont know. I am not suicidal, just tired & depressed.
Sorry for venting, but I just needed to.
Rach