Re: Positive Attitude
From: Christi (mcchristi@gmail.com)
Fri Jan 30 22:10:03 2009
Thank you, Jack. I needed to read this tonight. I was considering leaving my
husband or at least leaving the house! I don't know why. I actually can't
drive yet cuz of my behind is still healing, don't have a job, home-school
our 4 kids -but I just felt trapped. I had been doing so good since
surgery-but I sneezed yesterday and had a horrible sharp pain and now dull
aching ever since. My anxieties overwhelmed me-did this break the 40k
surgery I just had? I was just now STARTING to do normal things! Then
yesterday, my DH made the comment "I'm not used to you being helpless again"
(I had to be still and not move for a long while). I felt he was complaining
but we talked it through and he apologized. We had agreed days ago (when I
was feeling good for a while) that he could go play golf today. But then a
bunch of stuff (including my setback) happened. So today he told me "all
right, well I'm headed out to play golf" without even asking how I was
feeling or anything so I MADE him thank me for letting him go play golf and
guilted him with some harsh words (even though I had the kids here, DD with
ear infection, plumber coming and I, in pain- it was overwhelming to me) and
I was angry he didn't at least check if I was all right enough to handle
everything. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy himself on the course. The
bitterness I felt just went right to him and then heaped on me tonight when
I brought it up again. I'm accusing him of being selfish and he's accusing
me of being selfish! Like we're in the sand box or something! Hence, the
feeling to flee! I just am sick and tired of being sick and tired. And Yeah,
I should be cared for properly-I still think he shouldn't have gone, but I
should also be caring for others properly too. Making my heart known gently
instead of forcing someone to be grateful.
-------Original Message-------
From: NY House
Date: 1/30/2009 10:27:56 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Subject: Re: Positive Attitude
if I may say...
of course we should be grateful for every moment and every morning we wake
up -
for some people didnât get another morning or another day, and some people
did not wake up today.
that is something we should never lose sight of, even in the darkest of
hours due to physical pain or loss of hope.
And you are right about the complaining biz - no one wants to hear the same
ole 'poor me it hurts' day in day out...
people tend to step back from a friend like that, and step towards the ones
who seem happy even for the smallest of things.
but this is the process of life - and to be told to be grateful doesn't make
one grateful, if anything it makes us bitter and feeling misunderstood.
in short - yes. this is part of our life's journey, but hopefully not the
full extent of our lives.
I found for myself when dealing with pain, or loss, or whatever the cross
that I've been given to carry...
one of life's little ironies is that when we stop focusing all our attention
on ourselves and our problems (I said ALL our focus)
and instead reach out as much or as little as we are able to help another
person top carry theirs...
only then does my load seem less heavy, less of a burden, then do I hear of
a solution for 'me' - whether it be pain meds while hoping on a cure..
or if I can't even get out of bed but have little kids... even inviting
them in the room to stroke their hair, tell them you love them.
same goes for our spouses, if we're lucky enough to have one and to have
kept one thru all of this drama and struggle.
my point is not to preach to anyone here - please forgive me if it comes
across as such...
just throwing out solutions that have worked for me. and the only thing
that has gotten that huge chip off of my shoulder - some of you know might
know this chip I speak of, or maybe it is more of a male thing though I
doubt it. People are people.
but I carried more than a bit of anger towards the doctors my surgeons and
their lack of care...
and then towards my family and friends who I felt don't support me or
support me 'enough'.
and with all this added bitterness and anger, no wonder it seemed more
than I could bare! I kept on adding more and more to carry.
was only when I little by little - to do so in one clean shot didn't seem to
stick - but was something I gradually thought and worked through, and that
chip dissolved one splinter at a time.
and still there are days I need a little reminder, to remember not to
rebuild that chip again...
and the only way I have found personally, is to help someone else, in any
way that I am capable of.
but to remember that more often than not we get what we give - and if I keep
giving out negativity every where I go, or simmer in it like a sauce..
well then I'm just adding more layers and more weight to carry during the
day -
but again, this takes time - and no one can tell another when that time has
come - so please, no more negative or mean comments on this group. There's
been enough to last the rest of the decade in my opinion.
May wellness of body and spirit be everyone's.
and may there be a yet unknown cure right around the bend, or if not, then
may it be around for those who come after us.
-Jack
From: carynlruzich@comcast.net
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 10:55 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Subject: Positive Attitude
--
Kelly,
You got the positive attitude right!
Caryn R
>----- Original Message -----
From: "Kelly Murray" <klmurray_61@msn.com>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <adhesions@mail.obgyn.net>
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 12:59:19 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Re: Hi
You are right. We all have something that is hard to live with and
misunderstood but we are alive. I used to complain to my husband all the
time and he finally said that he did not want to hear the same thing every
day as he can't do anything for me and he knows I feel bad. I got very hurt
and mad but then thought about it. I wouldn't want to hear that every day
myself.
And there are people that are a lot worse off then we are. I am sure each
one of you know someone that has had it bad and still manages to be positive
I have to work on the positive thing myself.
>----- Original Message -----
From: Katie
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Sent: Tuesday, January 27, 2009 5:42 PM
Subject: Re: Hi
I don't agree that people are being way too calm about being sick. I
think living with ARD, (as with everything), is all about perspective.
I hurt, Heaven knows I do. And there are days that I just want to step
in front of a bus. Especially when I look at pictures from just 4 years
ago and see how "alive" I was. It makes me sad ... for the moment.
But then I pick myself up, look around me and think, "at least I'm still
here. Maybe tomorrow will be better."
But maybe that's just me. :-)
Katie
At Tue, 27 Jan 2009, diana rodriguez wrote:
>
>some people sound way too calm about been sick!!!!!!, what we have to wait
the spraygel was suppeosed to be in the market in 2003.
>We don't know who is who in this blog. No human being wants to go on and
on in pain. We are not wire that way.
>We are not equipped to go through so much pain.
>I am very sorry but you don't sound like a person with our condition. You
sound like many of my doctors.
>You are in this blog to stop people from being pro active. We have to pay
attention when people sound like you.
>What is your purpose?.
>One of the doctor who was part of the trial who is a well known gyn doctor
in Texas has a different view.
>How much you were paid to run that , what is the company that you
represent?.
>