Re: Positive Attitude

From: Linda (lindahalford@comcast.net)
Sun Feb 1 12:28:57 2009


Dear Christi,

It is very hard for our loved ones to understand how we can be in so much pain and they get tired of hearing us complain. Unfortunately, as hard as it is on them, it is so much harder on us to live with this God awful pain!

It's important to do what we can to ease the pain so we try to can get through the day without complaining. I've seen many marriages dissolve because of health problems and the women are now alone and miserable. A husband is one's shoulder to lean on in good times and bad. I've struggled for years on my own and it is a lonely life. I would give anything to have a good, loving husband. Even if we can't enjoy many of the things we once did, it's important that those we love do without feeling guilty.

Remember, you are not alone....There are thousands, perhaps millions, who are suffering with pain. When you feel like there's no one who understands, I suggest using this forum to vent.

Someone who cares, Linda

> ----- Original Message -----
From: Christi To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Sent: Saturday, January 31, 2009 12:13 AM Subject: Re: Positive Attitude

Thank you, Jack. I needed to read this tonight. I was considering leaving my husband or at least leaving the house! I don't know why. I actually can't drive yet cuz of my behind is still healing, don't have a job, home-school our 4 kids -but I just felt trapped. I had been doing so good since surgery-but I sneezed yesterday and had a horrible sharp pain and now dull aching ever since. My anxieties overwhelmed me-did this break the 40k surgery I just had? I was just now STARTING to do normal things! Then yesterday, my DH made the comment "I'm not used to you being helpless again" (I had to be still and not move for a long while). I felt he was complaining but we talked it through and he apologized. We had agreed days ago (when I was feeling good for a while) that he could go play golf today. But then a bunch of stuff (including my setback) happened. So today he told me "all right, well I'm headed out to play golf" without even asking how I was feeling or anything so I MADE him thank me for letting him go play golf and guilted him with some harsh words (even though I had the kids here, DD with ear infection, plumber coming and I, in pain- it was overwhelming to me) and I was angry he didn't at least check if I was all right enough to handle everything. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy himself on the course. The bitterness I felt just went right to him and then heaped on me tonight when I brought it up again. I'm accusing him of being selfish and he's accusing me of being selfish! Like we're in the sand box or something! Hence, the feeling to flee! I just am sick and tired of being sick and tired. And Yeah, I should be cared for properly-I still think he shouldn't have gone, but I should also be caring for others properly too. Making my heart known gently instead of forcing someone to be grateful.

-------Original Message-------

From: NY House Date: 1/30/2009 10:27:56 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Re: Positive Attitude

if I may say... of course we should be grateful for every moment and every morning we wake up - for some people didn’t get another morning or another day, and some people did not wake up today. that is something we should never lose sight of, even in the darkest of hours due to physical pain or loss of hope.

And you are right about the complaining biz - no one wants to hear the same ole 'poor me it hurts' day in day out... people tend to step back from a friend like that, and step towards the ones who seem happy even for the smallest of things.

but this is the process of life - and to be told to be grateful doesn't make one grateful, if anything it makes us bitter and feeling misunderstood.

in short - yes. this is part of our life's journey, but hopefully not the full extent of our lives. I found for myself when dealing with pain, or loss, or whatever the cross that I've been given to carry... one of life's little ironies is that when we stop focusing all our attention on ourselves and our problems (I said ALL our focus) and instead reach out as much or as little as we are able to help another person top carry theirs... only then does my load seem less heavy, less of a burden, then do I hear of a solution for 'me' - whether it be pain meds while hoping on a cure.. or if I can't even get out of bed but have little kids... even inviting them in the room to stroke their hair, tell them you love them. same goes for our spouses, if we're lucky enough to have one and to have kept one thru all of this drama and struggle.

my point is not to preach to anyone here - please forgive me if it comes across as such... just throwing out solutions that have worked for me. and the only thing that has gotten that huge chip off of my shoulder - some of you know might know this chip I speak of, or maybe it is more of a male thing though I doubt it. People are people. but I carried more than a bit of anger towards the doctors my surgeons and their lack of care... and then towards my family and friends who I felt don't support me or support me 'enough'. and with all this added bitterness and anger, no wonder it seemed more than I could bare! I kept on adding more and more to carry. was only when I little by little - to do so in one clean shot didn't seem to stick - but was something I gradually thought and worked through, and that chip dissolved one splinter at a time. and still there are days I need a little reminder, to remember not to rebuild that chip again... and the only way I have found personally, is to help someone else, in any way that I am capable of.

but to remember that more often than not we get what we give - and if I keep giving out negativity every where I go, or simmer in it like a sauce.. well then I'm just adding more layers and more weight to carry during the day - but again, this takes time - and no one can tell another when that time has come - so please, no more negative or mean comments on this group. There's been enough to last the rest of the decade in my opinion.

May wellness of body and spirit be everyone's. and may there be a yet unknown cure right around the bend, or if not, then may it be around for those who come after us. -Jack

From: carynlruzich@comcast.net Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 10:55 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Positive Attitude

Kelly,

You got the positive attitude right!

Caryn R

> ----- Original Message -----
From: "Kelly Murray" <klmurray_61@msn.com> To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <adhesions@mail.obgyn.net> Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 12:59:19 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern Subject: Re: Hi

You are right. We all have something that is hard to live with and misunderstood but we are alive. I used to complain to my husband all the time and he finally said that he did not want to hear the same thing every day as he can't do anything for me and he knows I feel bad. I got very hurt and mad but then thought about it. I wouldn't want to hear that every day myself. And there are people that are a lot worse off then we are. I am sure each one of you know someone that has had it bad and still manages to be positive. I have to work on the positive thing myself.

> ----- Original Message -----
From: Katie To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Sent: Tuesday, January 27, 2009 5:42 PM Subject: Re: Hi

I don't agree that people are being way too calm about being sick. I think living with ARD, (as with everything), is all about perspective.

I hurt, Heaven knows I do. And there are days that I just want to step in front of a bus. Especially when I look at pictures from just 4 years ago and see how "alive" I was. It makes me sad ... for the moment.

But then I pick myself up, look around me and think, "at least I'm still here. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

But maybe that's just me. :-)

Katie

At Tue, 27 Jan 2009, diana rodriguez wrote: >
>some people sound way too calm about been sick!!!!!!, what we have to wait ,the spraygel was suppeosed to be in the market in 2003.
>We don't know who is who in this blog. No human being wants to go on and on in pain. We are not wire that way.
>We are not equipped to go through so much pain.
>I am very sorry but you don't sound like a person with our condition. You sound like many of my doctors.
>You are in this blog to stop people from being pro active. We have to pay attention when people sound like you.
>What is your purpose?.
>One of the doctor who was part of the trial who is a well known gyn doctor in Texas has a different view.
>How much you were paid to run that , what is the company that you represent?.
>

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