Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think maybe I am trying to "fight" too hard and need to accept my limitations. Problem is, I don't like to admit that I have any. I guess with the Crohn's and adhedsions I need to admit that it is going to be a lifelong battle and I need to accept things a little better. I am my own worst enemy. I push myself until I collapse. Maybe I need to learn the warning signs a litle better and take that rest before the collapse hits. Problem is, I can't predict when a day will be bad or not. Sometimes I wake up feeling awful, but by 10:00 things are better. Othertimes I go to the tennis courts or office feeling great and am writhing in pain two hours later. I just don't get it. My husband is one of those great laid back guys, but he smokes and drinks and eats whatever he wants and never exercises, and never is sick, so he can't relate because he has nothing to compare it to. Thanks again... Ginny
At Tue, 24 Aug 1999, Christine M. Smith wrote:
>
>At Mon, 23 Aug 1999, Ginny King wrote:
>>
>>Hey Guys,
>>
>>I really had a bad day today. The pain has been horrible and the
>>numbness in my fingers and feet are making me stumble around and drop
>>things. I think today I feel official depression. (I do take an
>>anti-depressant for pain, I wish it helped more when I feel down) You
>>know how when an a normally nice animal is in pain it can lash out at
>>you? Well, that was me today. I lashed out at my business partner and
>>my family for no real reason. I just feel so angry sometimes when I
>>think I am doing everything that the doctors tell me to do and I still
>>feel so lousy. Most of the time I can keep my composure (my co-workers
>>and husband might disagree with that), but today was one of those days I
>>feel so overwhelmed by it all. Then to add insult to
>injury, I get to
>>feel guilty for not being in control. Pain can make you feel so
>>isolated from the world. I wish one of you guys lived nearby so when
>>the loneliness takes over you can just pick up the phone and call for
>>help. Not that my friends and family aren't supportive, but they just
>>can't understand...not the pain or the emotional wreckage it can cause.
>>In the mean time, I thank God that this forum is here. Thanks for
>>listening....Ginny
>
>Hi Ginny:
>I can certainly relate to what you are saying. Sometimes I wonder if
>keeping things so well under control isn't so good. I know I do it very
>well and then I wonder why others don't seem to understand. Just the
>other day my husband said to me (about the diagnosis of arthritis of the
>spine) "well, my grip isn't what it used to be. I guess I got a little
>of that myself. At least there's the celebrex." He was trying to
>encourage me. I thought, this guy just doesn't get it. Why should he?
>I do everything I have to do without complaining outwardly. He doesn't
>have a clue what I'm thinking and how I'm suffering inside. The look on
>my pcp's face was priceless when I finally told him that this problem
>was ruining my life. I guess I haven't communicated too well to him
>either. My mother doesn't even know. I don't need a psychologist to
>tell me why I do this. I know-I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
>But how can I expect them to be understanding when they don't even know
>I have a problem or the extent of my problem.
>This is why I suggested to someone that refusing narcotic pain meds when
>offered might work against you by making the problem seem less than it
>really is. The same thing goes for keeping a normal work schedule. I
>really don't know how you've managed to do that from some of the
>incidents you've described that has happened to you. I don't think
>taking some sick leave until you get your situation under control would
>be unreasonable. I don't know what you are taking for depression but
>the doses of tricyclics (elavil etc) for chronic pain are not high
>enough to treat depression. Besides, I don't believe anti-depressants
>work ( even at doses for depression) if you are not clinically
>depressed. In my opinion being down from a loss (in this case your
>health) is a normal reaction.
>I don't know if this helps any, just wanted you to know that I can
>really identify with what you posted. I even beat myself up for having
>something that can't even be diagnosed properly!
>
>Chris S.
-- Ginny King