Does that say how I feel? No, I guess not. I can't stop crying here. I got up and went to church this morning....the first thing I did was pray for the Lord to watch over me and grant me recovery. If that was not to be in part of the picture than I asked for him to take me so that I could do work up there.....watch over everyone and help them to find peace. Our pastor did his prayers and forgot to pray for me. He realized it during communion and at the end said a prayer especially for me. It may be childish but I still feel forgotten......I am all alone in this. On the way out of church my pastor said that he didn't think he could go down to Chicago for my surgery and then my mom told me that she hadn't found a way down and that she would come visit at another point. I feel so deserted....and I know that is childish and I have gone through surgeries alone before, but this one feels so different. I feel as though I shouldn't have the surgery.....my family doesn't care anyway so why should I put myself through this.....let the good Lord take me.
I know this all sounds so immature but I feel so alone. I guess I am turning to you all for emotional support because you are my family and I love you all.
-- Karla