I have often seen on this board, and have felt within myself, the battering that our spiritual selves take through all this. I personally have found the most comfort, not in seeking or finding the answer to "why me?", but in the knowledge that "it rains on the good and the evil." This changes the question at the level of my spirit to "why NOT me?" That, for me, has been an easier question with which to deal.
The other day I was sitting in the car, waiting for my husband to come out of the hardware store in our small town. John, who is in his early 50's, approached the door from one direction, Sheila was approaching from the other. John is, and has been for several years, the 24 hour a day caretaker of his wife who has Lou Gehrig's disease. She is tube fed, on a respirator, and the only part of her body she can move is her eyeballs. Eyes to the right mean "yes." Eyes to the left mean "no." Sheila, in her late 40's, has had MS for all of her adult life. She struggled with every step to push her walker in the right direction toward the door. I have long had much admiration for the bravery she has shown. What happened when they met at the door is a picture that I want to keep in my mind always. Their faces lite up with smiles and Sheila waved her arms and tilted her head in a way that seemed to acknowledge the beautiful weather of the day. Their faces showed a deep human connection. He swept the door open for her and she graciously acknowledged his help. It was an instant, then they were gone. I was humbled and once again thought, "why not me?"
At 12:13 AM 11/27/00 -0600, you wrote:
>Yes, I too wish to know the reason why, Chrissy. I once thought maybe
>to learn to take care of myself better and to not be such a caretaker at
>the risk of my own health. But I can't wait to be better so I can be
>more help to people. So its not working. Must be another reason. I'll
>just have to trust in God that someone is benefiting from my experience.
>Deep ! LOL !!!!
> LOVE JAYNIE
>