Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt

From: Karla (
Sat Mar 3 07:29:14 2001


I totally agree with Mary and I guess I am guilty of not explaining myself more clearly. When we go into the doctor's office ready to do battle we will often times come out empty handed if it is not handled correctly.

We cannot go in with all our weapons drawn so to speak. What I try and do now...and it has taken me a long time to get to where I can even question the sit and hear what he has to say. When it appears that he is going to do nothing...or is going to do something we don't like...that is when I start asking questions. We can't enter their offices already on the attack because they will automatically put up every wall possible. Once they have done what they are going to do I start asking my own questions and making my own demands....but I don't come across as being demanding because I don't do it in an attacking fashion. When I last dealt with not getting the appropriate pain medicine I told them that the medicine was just not working....I heard what they had to say...then I told them very nicely that I was aware of patient's rights and my right to receive adequate pain relief. That has worked every single time. But as Mary has stated, I think it only works because I am not attacking the doctor.


>----- Original Message ----- From: "Mary Wade" <> To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <> Sent: Saturday, March 03, 2001 7:51 AM Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt

> Dear Millie, First I want to apologize for not getting back to you before > you went to the doctor. I am usually gone for part of each work week and > do not get on the computer to answer emails. > > I don't know that I have much to add at this point to that "Coulda/Shoulda" > paper that I sent you earlier. I wrote most of what I know as "workable" > in that paper. I'd love for others to edit it and add suggestions to that > piece. I was going to attach it now but see that I don't have it on this > computer. Ask if you want it. It's in the archives somewhere, too. > > Often, I don't think it's so much WHAT we what our body language > is saying to them. In my work as an audiologist in an medical office, I > see patients all day long. Over the years, we learn to "read" all the > unspoken messages as well as the spoken ones. Someone comes in ready to > beat me over the head? Do I pick up on that immediately? You bet. What > is the normal human reaction to that? Defensive position. > > If you want your health care provider to HELP you....don't put them in that > defensive position because immediately you are off to a bad start. They > are highly trained, yes....but they are HUMAN. And so are we patients. > Part of the human condition is one of "no guarantees" except that of > eventual physical death. My life was not given with a "pain-free > guarantee" stamped on my butt. The Serenity Prayer....which I can't > quote....(maybe someone else can post it) a good summary of the > attitude I have had to hang on to over the years. > > Now comes the hard part. The first step is figure out what to do with your > animosity. If you need to talk to a professional counselor-type to work > through some of this, just go do it. Can't hurt....might help. The mental > stress of keeping that going does not help with the only makes > it worse. I am not smart at telling other people how to do this. I just > know that we have to realize that when we experience a tragic loss of any > kind...that we will go through a grief cycle. The stages of that cycle > are: 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) acceptance. The acceptance > stage frees us up to get on with our lives, but we have to deal with each > of those other steps first. And just because we get to the acceptance > level at one point in time....doesnt' mean that we don't have to trek back > through that cycle at a later date. > > In the sorts of encounters that we chronic-pain ppl have with doctors, we > have to know going into the consultation that we do with our egos...and how > the docs handle their egos....makes a big difference in how much progress > will be made. You get two egos battling and the stuff for which you are > seeking attention ends up on the floor. And by "ego," I am not using the > word as it's commonly used. By "ego" I mean the absolute unwillingness to > let go of the "me-me-me-ness" for a just sit there and try to > "be" that other person. It's not so hard to do this. Practice at home > with your family. When/if we can drop the ego-dance in our trickiest of > our human interactions, it's amazing how open, honest, and caring the other > person can be. We have to be willing to REALLY hear what our docs are > saying. When a doc says, "I can't help you now.".....that means, "I don't > have anything to offer you right now." We may not LIKE that idea...but the > doc is telling the truth as he/she knows it. If that is what the doc says, > then the ONLY course of action with that doc is to ask, "Where can you send > me to get me some help. Give me your very best advice and what you see as > the options." (Just curious...what did your ob/gyn say about you going to > see Dr. Redan?) I always like to throw in....while looking deeply into > their eyes, "Let's say that I am your most beloved > mother/daugher/sister/wife.....what now do you advise?" > > Does any of this make any sense? It's very difficult to describe in words > "what works for me" when talking about attitude. Please keep in mind this > is my style.....others here have other styles of communication that work > well also. I can only speak to what I know....or as my friend says, "I can > do no better than to walk in the light that I have." (Did THAT just sound > like a disclaimer??? LOL at me!) OK...outta here... > > In friendship, Mary > > Original Message----- > From: Millie [] > Sent: Thursday, March 01, 2001 2:40 PM > To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS > Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt > > Dear Mary, > How are you? I have an extremely important question for you. Tomorrow I go > back to that ob/gyn who did my TAH and cut adhesions. How shold I talk to > her? I feel I have a lot of questions that I want answered, some of which > she won't like, I'm sure. > Mary, How do I get her to take me seriously about the bowel problems and > the > pain? Also, How do I let her know how miserable I am, and how serious I am > about these issues? I'm no better after a month. > Thanks so much for your help. > Millie

>> ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Mary Wade" <> > To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" > <> > Sent: Wednesday, February 28, 2001 11:07 PM > Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt > > > OK...stupid question here. If we all have photos on the quilt, when we > > click on the master list of the quilt, will it take forever to load? Or > > just slower loading when we click on an individual name? I was thinking > > that if the whole quilt loads much slower because of the pictures, it > might > > be discouraging for someone just breezing through. BUT, I DO want to see > > all your darlin I might be just fine with letting the ppl > > breezing through be discouraged at slow loading times :))))) I just > clicked > > on Kathy Lindley's quilt block..and it is really striking to see the face > > behind the words. Seems....different somehow. Hits me harder. Cold in > > Kansas, Mary > > > > At 09:54 PM 2/28/01 -0600, you wrote: > > >I just tried to upload my Photo and it didn't work! > > >I am very well acquainted with doing this and I tried 2 different > > >formats and it rejected both. > > >I sent an email to the administrator asking why. > > >I will let you know. > > >JEAN (from PA) > > > > > >-- > > >Jean (from PA) > > > > > > > > >

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