You have got to be Kidding!!

From: rikam (
Fri Mar 9 21:46:35 2001

Well I started a letter to you this morning but have been quite busy. I sincerely apologize for not issuing a "statement of support" to you earlier. What a sad state of affairs when we have to issue such things in a support group of folks who ought treat each other like human beings. This is a place for those with adhesions to form close bonds and friendships, share their personal private thoughts, feelings, and experiences. We sure don't need the threat of dark clouds looming over us ready to dump should the wrong thing be said. Better watch what you all say. If you have a bad day, extreme pain, etc...keep those feelings in check. Don't share them. It's bad enough folks are already afraid of doctors now we can all be traumatized by the fear of a doctor jumping out of nowhere to chastise our personal views, feelings, and opinions that we thought we were sharing with our peers in a safe environment!!!! Aghhh...I'm feeling as though I have been harmed by all of this already....I am experiencing mental and emotional anguish due to the fear of a surgeon jumping out and yelling at me for saying the wrong thing. I'm feeling a need to consult my psychiatrist and my attorney...oh, and my good friend at the newspaper as well. It's a good thing you are as strong as you are because a phone call like that could very well cause a person some serious damage. I had formed absolutely zero opinion of this doctor and his staff by what you wrote. ZERO. I have now formed an opinion of him and his staff based upon his behavior, not your words. I understood your words and feelings...where you were coming from. Most folks don't make snap judgements based upon one person's opinion.

Instead of calling it an adhesions support board we could call it a surgical referral and promotional group. hmmm....A well placed warning letting folks know they need to carefully choose and word what they share or they may receive harassing phone calls and be threatened with a lawsuit. Hmmm....anyone out there care to join this supportive group? I doubt it. It is no longer a safe place. Gee...and I thought doctors of all folks tried to avoid know...with all the malpractice suits that go on? Hmmmm.....

Now isn't all this just ridiculous!! Come on. How is anyone to share in an open and honest manner with their peers, friends, and fellow sufferers? Is Big Brother watching? Kind of just ruins the purpose of the board. I was under the impression the board is for sufferers. I didn't realize it was just here to drum up business for surgeons. Gee. It was such a great thing for folks.

Uh, anyway, there are some little technicalities involved here since this is a group process...a support group. I won't go into details here but I'll write you off list as a professional could easily hang themselves in here if they are not careful. Keep a tape recorder next to your phone. I'll also get a couple of numbers and names to you. Maybe we should create a signature line that issues a statement such as anything contained in this email is purely my own personal opinion and meant only for other ARD sufferers with whom I share a common bond through my support list. It's just like any other support group. Hmmm.... accused of slander in a group process by stating your personal feelings. Uhhh...I won't say it...I'm slapping myself now and biting my tongue.

Try as we might to carefully choose words which will not harm another, be taken personally, misinterpreted, etc. it's difficult to do especially when you feel passionately about the subject you are writing about. Many times when we are upset and come to the group for support or just to use as a sounding board, we feel free to just unleash our innermost thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and pain...usually we are not intentionally attacking any of those in the group as they are who we turn to for our support. We are careful not to harm anyone but we don't hide what we are thinking and feeling about the outside world (outside the group). I have to write in support of you. Just take comfort knowing you have the support of many who will back you on this one...Physicians and Surgeons as well. I sure don't want to get into a confrontational match as there is no benefit to that nor is this the place for debate...just sharing, supporting, understanding, caring, reaching out to each other regardless of differences in opinion, philosophy, treatment practices...

There are many considerations that folks need to be aware of in treating adhesions. Quite a bit of important information seems taboo to discuss. This board is not the place to "debate" surgery or attack someone else's opinions of particular types of surgeries nor is it the place to put someone down for having a personal opinon or belief about a particular surgeon, staff, treatment plan, medication, what have you. It's no problem sharing differing views and opinions and not all doctors agree or have the same view of surgery. Some doctors have an answer for everything although it does not make their answers correct or the right answer or choice. If it's "argued" in this forum, instead of being discussed or shared, then it stops being a support group where folks may feel free to share and express themselves. It would turn into a hall of debate as each side gathers their surgeons, evidences, and doctors...I mention this as I've seen beginings of it on occasion. Discussion can be safe, supportive, and educational. If someone has a bad experience and comes here to vent I wouldn't worry about getting on the person's case, clarifying what they say, putting them down etc nor would I worry about it swaying someone else's opinion as to whether or not they have surgery. There are so many other posts proclaiming how wonderful a specific surgery, medication, treatment plan, or surgeon is that one or two "negative experiences or expressions" or one or two sharings of alternative forms of treatment from those brave enough to share or those who think they have friends here who will support them is not going to sway someone one way or another...etc.

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