Re: A Note from Dr. Redan

From: rikam (
Mon Mar 12 02:48:13 2001

It was kind of you to clarify things. It might be best in the future to just contact the person off list, in person, in a kind and gentle manner asking first, if it is okay that you contacted her and second, ask if she would like to discuss her concerns or experience because you do care about her as a person and if she had an upsetting experience you want to see that it is avoided in the her or by other prospective clients. Maybe listen to what she has to say. Apologize on behalf of the office. But definitely not become defensive, abusive, or threatening. Anyway, the folks here discuss personal private matters in detail. They share their hopes, dreams, feelings, experiences, and just let it all out. Just like friends do because they are friends. They discuss experiences they have seeking treatment as well as what they feel about those experiences. Feelings are not right or wrong....they just are. That's why we have friends to help us by listening to us. It is a bit of a shocker to have a doctor suddenly flutter down during someone's moment of's not the first time either and it's not the first time someone has felt gagged by it the "final word" popped out of nowhere...authoritative and opinionated although this is a disservice. Anyway if you just want to watch us, observe us, listen to us, then please, when someone is feeling passionately, and expressing those feelings, regardless of who they are feeling them toward(a particular hospital, pain clinic, doctor, surgeon, etc), please...allow them to seek support and get it out of their system. We are not here to judge each other. We are here to accept them unconditionally. We are not presenting ourselves here as perfect individuals either. We are intelligent. We know how to make decisions and educated ones at that. We are not going to be swayed by one opinion stated one time. That's not even the point. The point was she was feeling pretty miserable. She needed us. She needed support, kindness, her friends. If you are going to participate it would be nice if you could do it in a kind, gentle, non judgmental, supportive manner. You don't have to agree with the person, just be their friend. She wasn't confronting you on the board only expressing her feelings just as many others before her have. Folks here need to feel the freedom to speak safely and openly without fear of judgement, embarrassment, or feeling as though they are being watched over. We have families too. We have little children who don't understand why mommy or daddy can't play anymore. They don't understand that it takes money to fix their parent, even if that parent's problem was the direct result of a doctor's err. So folks whose lives suffer limitations due to ARD can become frustrated when they realize the one thing that may stand between pain free living, an ease in pain, or getting something of a life back, is can be very frustrating and difficult to deal with. I can understand you'd like to understand where we are coming from. This isn't science though. We are not lab mice. We are folks. Real Folks. . Being observed can be uncomfortable for some. If you had a support group of surgeons who share their thoughts, feelings, failure, shortcomings, opinions of patients, other doctors, etc. in an open, honest, point blank, blunt manner, would you want to be observed? If you want to help us and help others with ARD, why don't you ask us how you can help us? Ask us what our opinions are. Ask us what we think. Why don't you brainstorm ways to get the surgery affordable, better insurance coverage, help set up a fund for those without resources, solicit donations, etc...all of those would help. But if you ask us how you can help us, be prepared to hear the truth but please reserve excuses and judgements...and for heaven's sake don't take things personally if you are just peering in at us...

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