Re: I need to have a crying party.......anyone got an extra ear with a few to...

From: Jessica Baleyko (
Wed Mar 21 19:28:58 2001

Oh boy!  I know how you feel, "been there , done that!"    When I first got "bad" , I found myself laying on the floor crying in pain and frustration because no one knew what was wrong with me and I hurt so bad I couldn't lay down, sit up, stand or find any comfort.  My husband came in & I begged him to take me to the er.  He said I would have to call the insurance company and get authorization.  I hurt so bad I couldn't even tell him that if I felt well enough to make a call, I would drive myself to the er!  It wasn't even that he wouldn't take me in, it was the way he was looking at me.  Like, "what the heck is your problem".  And he is usually such a good man.  Husbands have 2 strikes against them.  Firstly, they are male and not usually very nurturing, and secondly, they are male and lack the ability to feel someone else's pain.  Eventually, after we discovered the adhesions, and he saw pictures and talked to the doctor, he understood a little better.

My mom was the same way.  One of my sisters had to tell her , look, she looks ok but she can't walk, she can't do anything without being in pain.  She's only 38 and too young to have to sit in a recliner all day!!!  It's such a hard thing for people who haven't been through anything like it to understand. 
I did eventually get my husband to do the grocery shopping (all that walking, bending, lifting, left me in tears by the che ck out line!) I told him he could save us lots of money and get what he likes to eat.  The other thing that helped was to prioritize.  My kids come first, and if I can't swing or run with them I can read books or do crafts with them.  Job comes second.  Housework a dead last.  If hubby complains I invite him to do it.  We eat lots of Walmart fried chicken and I try to cook 2 meals if I feel well and freeze one for later when I'm having a bad day.

I know the "burden" feeling.  I even told my husband to divorce me one night and have a life.  But I learned a wonderful lesson from this.  Even if I can't do anything, I can still make someone smile.  And once my husband finally started helping me, he began to feel good about himself by being able to help someone.  You are still company for your husband and support for him.  And I try to believe that they will have a cure for us one day.  That belief (that this is only temporary) gets me through a lot!

Where are you standing with surgery and how long have you been in pain?  Is it constant?  Have you found a doctor that will listen yet? 

Take it easy on yourself and we are hear for you!   :0) jessica


>To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
>Subject: Re: I need to have a crying party.......anyone got an extra ear with a few to...
>Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2001 18:27:45 -0600
>I am just so tired of hurting and not getting any help and now my husband is
>being a jerk and I just don't know how to fight anymore. I feel like I am a
>burden to anyone who comes near me.

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