Oh Missy,
You have truely been through more than most people experience in a lifetime. Not only fighting cancer but actually beating it four times says so much about your spirit. You are a fighter. That is very obvious. I know that you are emotionally and physically drained. All I can say is don't give up. Your children and your hubby DO need you. While you feel like you don't contribute anything to your family, you have to believe that if anything were to happen to you, it would devistate them. Your life has meaning and purpose. I've always believed that God never gives us anything we can't handle. Although many times I have questioned His motives, I have always tried to tell myself that there really is a reason for the struggles we go through here. I have had many tragedies in my life, really unbearable, and during those times, I was not able to see anything positive at all. My lessons might not be learned for years after but I always became stonger for those challenges. I can't imagine what lesson I am suppose to learn from all of this now though. Maybe I will use the knowledge to help someone else. I guess thinking like this is my way of trying to make heads or tales out of all of this.
I know what a burden it is too have finacial difficulties. I too have lost many hours of work. My boss doesn't get it. He thinks since I have had surgery, I should be "fixed". Tell that to my adhesions!! Men, I swear. I know we can't make your husband come to the computer, but I would still try printing things for him to read. He has got to understand the emotional and physical cross you bear. You cannot go through this alone.
What is your status with your doctor? Do you need to find another doctor? Where do you live? I hope he has you on decent pain medicine. Is your story on the quilt?
Missy, I just want you to know that we are all in this together. Everyone here knows exactly how you feel. Try to remain as positive as you can. You might want to consider going to PA to the docs there. Karen Cater is having her surgery today. She just found us in December and she has already made the trip. How wonderful for her. Pray that all goes well for her!! Please keep in touch and feel free to e-mail me at home at tpalmer266@jcn1.com
Take Care of Yourself!!!
Big Hugs,
Lisa