Re: I need to have a crying party.......anyone got an extra ear with a few to...

From: Rose Lunn (
Thu Mar 22 08:02:15 2001


At least you can say you are scared! It took me a long time to admit to that. I have had a hard life, other things beside the surgeries and the pain and fighting with doctors. I repressed so much of my fear and anger, etc., that I became severely depressed and have tried several times to kill myself. Through the support of several people, professional and personal, I came out the other side and am now no longer suicidal. I do still have to fight the depression and since my internist is aware of my history with depression, I do have to push her when I am in pain. I haven't (yet) gotten to the point that I can't work, but I have been missing a lot of time lately. My HR manager had me read their Short Term Disability info, just in case.

I think all of you that deal with this disease without insurance, without the support of your husbands, without so much that makes life bearable - are my HEROES!!!!! Everytime I feel myself sliding towards that blackness, I read your stories, and realize that if you all can go on and still laugh and share and can I!

I don't know why we were given this particular trial, but it has certainly driven home how much we need each other!


kcmo rose

At Thu, 22 Mar 2001, wrote: >
>I wish it was a simple matter of getting him to understand the ARD. The fact
>is that I've been fighting health related issues since the birth of my
>youngest son 15 years ago and my husband is just tired of me being sick.
>He's angry at the amount of medical bills I have amounted (w/no insurance no
>medicaid) and we are on a fixed income (he is on disability). I've tried to
>get him to read osme of the things I"ve printed off but he is just too
>wrapped up in himself to see that I am hurting.
>Life is hard, I don't deny that. But I've fought the fight against cancer
>and I won, not once, not twice, but 4 times Lisa and my body and my mind are
>tired. But with ARD it is so different. I feel that my level of
>functionality is that of an amoeba, my amount of contribution to my home and
>family is that of a nat - - I do good to get out of bed and read the posts
>and get to the dr appointments alone. Fighting a disease is hard enough but
>when you have to fight for doctors to acknowledge ARD, acknowledge the pain
>and suffering that goes along with it, and then you have to fight for relief,
>no matter how short lived that relief may be. Why do I have to fight for my
>husband, my family, my friends, to understand that this isn't in my head, I
>am not lazy, I do want to be a contributing part of my family!!!!
>Sure I'd love to sleep all day long and never get out of bed. What good does
>that do? I am the one who misses out on my kids coming home with good news
>about something special that happened at school or news of the new grandbaby
>on the way. So I get up and I sit there like a bump on a log. But atleast I
>am there.
>I hate this disease it is so much harder to fight than cancer. As I said to
>To tell you the truth I am more scared of this than I was the cancer and
>that's bad. How do you fight something that doctors won't acknowledge much
>less treat? How do you fight for a life that is filled with pain and partial
>functionality? I feel like I am only functioning at the level of an amoeba,
>I am not a mother to my children and I am certainly not a wife to my husband.
> Most of my days and nights are spent in bed, and when I do manage to get up
>for a little while it is just to get on line and find encouraging emails from
>friends like you and the others from IAS. I am so scared Helen.
>Only time will tell.
>**HUGS** thanks for listening to me cry

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