Re: I need to have a crying party.......anyone got an extra ear with a few to...

From: jenny low (
Thu Mar 22 20:34:25 2001

Dear Deborah,

I just have to tell you how much your story touched my heart. It really makes me want to cry for all of us and our families for what we and they go through. Thank you for sharing that.

Love, Jenny

>From: "J-M & Deborah Leclerc" <>
>To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
>Subject: Re: I need to have a crying party.......anyone got an extra ear
>with a few to...
>Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2001 15:44:25 -0600
>Dearest Missy,
>My name is Deborah. I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
>I have just come from your website. What a strong, amazing, and courageous
>woman you are. An inspiration to all of us. I feel like I have known you
>all of my life.
>I awoke this morning to the 'all too familiar sensations of nausea and
>'tearing' pain in my abdomen. I feel extremely tired today. Both mentally
>and physically. My story is on the "Adhesion Quilt".
>First I read your entry "I need to have a crying party......" then I
>stumbled back to bed and cried for about 1 hour. I cried for you, your
>pain, and for your family. I cried for everyone that I have met through
>IAS. I cried for me, for my family. For the pain and suffering we have
>I went back to my computer and found your story on the 'quilt '. I then
>went on to your website. I am at a loss for words to describe how I feel
>after reading about your life. You have given me new strength and hope for
>my future. You have survived so much that life has sent your way and still
>I feel through your thoughts and words, your deep love for your family,
>for your life, and your strong determination to go on.
>One night, last week, before going to bed I quietly crept into my
>daughter's ( Jessica age:14, Erin age: 12, and my eldest is my son Sean
>age: 16 ) room. I watched them both for a minute while they slept.
> My mind started to wonder as I watched them sleep. I thought about the
>fear of my illness that they have had to live with. I wondered what life
>had in store for my precious angels. I started to cry and pray to God that
>he shelter and protect them from all evil. I found myself begging him to
>let me have anything bad that was doomed to come their way for I had been
>through it all and survived. They looked so beautiful. So peaceful.
> I reached down to cover Erin up and noticed something in her hand.
>Carefully, I opened her fingers and took in a sharp breath as my eyes
>focused on the tiny glass photo frame she held so dearly in her hands. It
>was a picture taken two years ago of my husband and I. We looked liked two
>teenagers, wearing cut-off jeans, hiking boots and me with a red bandanna
>my head. We were trying to balance ourselves, fighting for a piece of a
>rock in the middle of the"Bow River". We had been hiking for two days and
>had just dropped our packs. The photo captured our love for one another
>for life. I realised then how long it had been since I truly felt happy.
>At the time the photo was taken I was going through health problems. I
>remember laying in a hospital bed a short time after that hike, I was
>hysterically. I wanted out. No more needles, IV's, and no more doctors or
>nurses looking at me with frustration in their eyes. I realised then how
>far I had come. How I had survived that surgery and six more since. So
>much had happened since that hike in the mountains, and I was still alive
>and still able to fight for a better life.
>Erin woke up just as I was getting up from the side of her bed. She looked
>down at her hand still holding our picture, and then looked up at me. Her
>eyes taking in the tears on my face. "Don't cry Mom," she said. "I hold
>your picture every night to keep you safe, everything is going to be O.K" I
>have thought about that night every day. Her words playing over and over
>my head. I feel stronger, and with that strength comes optimism and hope
>for all of us who have suffered pain and loss, and for those of us who are
>still suffering.
>I truly do believe that we are all here for a purpose. To learn or to
>or for most of us it is both. For some it takes a whole lifetime to find
>what that purpose is.
>I want to "thank you" for sharing your life with all of us. Through you I
>feel a new strength growing inside of me. You have made me realise that I
>am not alone, and that I have a responsibility to myself, to my husband, my
>children, and to all of you to keep searching for answers and sharing our
>lives with those we love. Perhaps that is our 'purpose' in
>make a difference in this world and to set an example for those we cross
>paths with.
>With big "hugs" and in sincere friendship,
>Deborah Leclerc
>-----Original Message-----
>From: <>
>To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
>Date: March 22, 2001 5:18 AM
>Subject: Re: I need to have a crying party.......anyone got an extra ear
>with a few to...
> >Lisa:
> >
> >I wish it was a simple matter of getting him to understand the ARD. The
> >is that I've been fighting health related issues since the birth of my
> >youngest son 15 years ago and my husband is just tired of me being sick.
> >He's angry at the amount of medical bills I have amounted (w/no insurance
> >medicaid) and we are on a fixed income (he is on disability). I've tried
> >get him to read osme of the things I"ve printed off but he is just too
> >wrapped up in himself to see that I am hurting.
> >
> >Life is hard, I don't deny that. But I've fought the fight against
> >and I won, not once, not twice, but 4 times Lisa and my body and my mind
> >tired. But with ARD it is so different. I feel that my level of
> >functionality is that of an amoeba, my amount of contribution to my home
> >family is that of a nat - - I do good to get out of bed and read the
> >and get to the dr appointments alone. Fighting a disease is hard enough
> >when you have to fight for doctors to acknowledge ARD, acknowledge the
> >and suffering that goes along with it, and then you have to fight for
> >no matter how short lived that relief may be. Why do I have to fight for
> >husband, my family, my friends, to understand that this isn't in my head,
> >am not lazy, I do want to be a contributing part of my family!!!!
> >
> >Sure I'd love to sleep all day long and never get out of bed. What good
> >that do? I am the one who misses out on my kids coming home with good
> >about something special that happened at school or news of the new
> >on the way. So I get up and I sit there like a bump on a log. But
> >am there.
> >
> >I hate this disease it is so much harder to fight than cancer. As I said
> >Helen:
> >To tell you the truth I am more scared of this than I was the cancer and
> >that's bad. How do you fight something that doctors won't acknowledge
> >less treat? How do you fight for a life that is filled with pain and
> >functionality? I feel like I am only functioning at the level of an
> >I am not a mother to my children and I am certainly not a wife to my
> > Most of my days and nights are spent in bed, and when I do manage to get
> >for a little while it is just to get on line and find encouraging emails
> >friends like you and the others from IAS. I am so scared Helen.
> >
> >Only time will tell.
> >
> >**HUGS** thanks for listening to me cry
> >Missy
> >

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