UH OH I am falling apart at the seams!!!!!!!

From: TediBrHugs@aol.com
Mon Mar 26 21:44:47 2001

My dear supportive, loving, kind, caring friends, How would we get through a day without our letters of encouragement? I know that today has been the day from HE double hockey sticks and I feel like total crud, but I get on and read a post from someone feeling worse than me, someone suffering more than me, someone going through so much to get well and I think to myself.......but for the the grace of God.....and I keep going. It is just so hard sometimes and right now is one of those times......I've spent the whole day fighting with doctors and hospitals trying to get my medical records and half of them don't know where to find them and the other half want money (hahaha what;s that??). But I did get some thing accomplished and just when I thought the day was going to be ok, my pain wasn't too bad, I felt pretty good, the roof fell in. The pain is increasing and I am completely out of meds. The only choice for relief is an all niter at the ER and that doesn't appeal to me. Then my son (15) started testing my limits and we had a war and I started crying. Just once I wish that a male could feel this pain, endure this suffering, neglect, ignorance and despair. Just once. Even if it's only for a day. I know I know it won't happen, but hey a girl can dream cant' she? I do have the hope looming in the near future as I have an appointment with a pain specialist in Mississippi (I am in Louisiana) and it will be a 4 hour trip there and 4 hours back, but I know that it will be well worth it. (Keep reminding me of that ok guys?) and I will be out of the excruciating pain, or atleast it will be manageable. This pain that knocks your knees out from under you and totally incapacitates you is just too much to handle and I am going to demand the drugs to keep it under control I refuse to be a victim any longer. That's it!!!!!!! We are not Adhesion Sufferers............WE ARE ADHESION SURVIVORS!!!!!! WE ARE ADHESION WARRIORS!!!!! I like that!!!! OK OK enough crying, the keyboard is soaked again. I love you all my e-friends, for each of you in your own way has touched my life in a positive way. A special thanks to my advocate HC and tolerating my blondeness and chemo brains, I love you girl! Love, Missy the cry baby bear

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