Re: I cant carry on like this anymore!!!!

From: Jessica Baleyko (
Tue Mar 27 07:20:14 2001

Hi Jackie!!  I too have a similar feeling towards my hospital and doctors in general.  But what happened?  Was it the surgeons fault?  I wouldn't let that man get near me again with a 10 foot pole (is that the surgical tool they used on you?)  Maybe they didn't know where all your organs were due to the adhesions and they have a little better idea now.  When I was at my worst and fearful of surgery, I used self hypnosis.  First I pictured myself on a tropical beach and stayed there awhile.  I imagined handsome bodybuilders fanning me and serving me drinks.  I watched the children play in the waves.  After I was calm and comfortable I visualized walking into the hospital calm and confident.  I visualized a successful surgery and recovery.  Then I visualized myself resuming my activities and hobbies.  I know it sounds silly but it helped me.  If you have checked out the surgeon and feel confident with him it helps.  At any rate my prayers and thoughts are with you!! :0) jessica

>From: "jackie burgess"
>To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
>Subject: I cant carry on like this anymore!!!!
>Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2001 07:34:53 -0600
>Hi everybody,
>I feel i cant carry on like this anymore, i'm constantly in bed for 20hrs or more per day, can only manage to eat sandwiches anything bigger comes back up.
>I even phoned my priest this morning, so he came round to visit me and i told him how i felt.(If i go to sleep and not wake up then, i'll no longer be in agony).
>Dont think i am suicidal, as i'm not, I would NOT contemplate that.I just want some kind of relief from this nightmare situation.
>I havent been out of the house for ten days, except for an emergency visit to gp, (BUT) I'm really SCARED of going back into hospital, because of the accident that left me like this.
> If I go to hospital, then i have to go back to the same one, the thought petrifies me, even now i still have nightmares and flashbacks.
> As you all know the only way they can diagnose adhesions properly is by 'keyhole' laparascopic surgery.It was this procedure that led to my bowel being punctured so I had to have a colostomy done, and, they punctured my bladder, ended up with suprapubic catheter(a tube that goes through abdomen to bladder and drains in to a leg bag, and a vaginal catheter,as suprapubic catheter couldn't cope on its own..
>As you can tell i'm really depressed and dont know how much more pain and vomiting i can cope with, and the weight loss.
>I hope u can try to understand the way i'm feeling, and why I am so SCARED of going back to the hospital.
>Perhaps some of u have felt like this before?
>Is there not more to life than living with ARD?
>Jackie B England

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