Steps to Forgiveness...
From: Helen Dynda (olddad66@runestone.net)
Sat Mar 31 10:41:14 2001
Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance......Forgiveness is the central theme of this
website; and there are many interesting articles, etc. to be found
there...including "Steps to Forgiveness."
http://www.forgivenessday.org/
Steps to Forgiveness
1. Confront your emotional pain -- your shock, fear, anger, and grief.
Recognize that the hurt that has occurred may have been very unfair and that
these steps are not meant to minimize the hurt involved.
2. Realize that forgiveness can only be appropriate after you have processed
out your fear, anger, and grief. However, also realize that you can set
forgiveness as a goal in the future for your sake now! Recognize that to
continue to dwell on the anger and resentment involved in the hurt will
literally destroy your physical health, and cause you great mental
suffering.
New studies clearly show that anger and resentment doubled the risk of
myocardial heart attacks in women with previous coronary problems. Other
studies indicate cancer and other deadly illnesses are also caused by anger
and resentment. So be willing, for your sake, to begin to process out these
deadly emotions as soon as possible.
3. Understand that love is what you ultimately want for yourself from
yourself.
4. Understand that forgiveness does not condone or approve or forget the
harmful acts; forgiveness does not allow yourself to be abused. We forgive
the doer, not the doing. Remembering this helps us to break harmful cycles
of behavior.
5. Realize that you are the only person responsible for your own feelings
and for healing the hurt that is going on inside of you.
6. Remember that you are so powerful that usually you had some part in what
happened. Be willing to totally face up to that part and accept it without
blame ( to forgive and love that part ).
7. See this situation as an opportunity for healing and for growth. See
that the other person involved has revealed to you through his or her
actions where there was a wounded spot in you which needed healing.
8. Start releasing anger, sadness, grief, and fear through the many
processes, therapies and therapists available. Have a person to work with
who can truly empathize with you, yet who can be objective and help you
shift your perception from blame to healing.
9. Decide to forgive. Even if this decision is half-hearted at first, it
will probably lessen your hurt and anger immediately.
Notice that this decision can be difficult because after you have processed
out the anger, resentment and grief, you will have to give up the grudge --
the being the "victim", the "being right" and making the other person
"wrong". Notice that this is "superior" position which can be used to get a
lot of self-righteous attention. Be willing, for your sake to have the
courage to get off that "superior" position.
10. Be willing to find a new way to think about the person who wronged you.
What was his or her life like growing up? What was his or her life like at
the time of the offense? What were this person's good points up to the time
of the hurt? Notice you may not be able to see much good within until you
have processed out your anger and/or grief or fear.
11. Be aware that being forgiving is a courageous act on your part. It has
nothing to do with whether the other person can admit they are wrong. You
are forgiving to liberate yourself no matter what the other person decides
to do.
12. Be willing to do and learn whatever it takes to forgive. Commit to do
processes, to read courageous stories of forgiveness, to write in journals,
to see a therapist, to do training's, or to do whatever it takes to heal the
wounds involved. Remember these wounds may be deeply tied to past hurts
going back to your interactions with your parents. Resolve to follow them
through for your total healing, even if it involves years of effort to heal.
Remember that you are determined to find the true happiness and joy that
true forgiveness can bring to your life.
13. If you believe in a Higher Power, be willing to pray on this problem and
to turn to this Higher Power for guidance and assistance in the forgiveness
process.
14. Accept the lessons involved in this incident -- our lives are
laboratories for learning. What have you learned from this event that is
invaluable to you? Has some form of attachment to a belief or beliefs
caused you the pain involved? What belief or beliefs were involved?
15. See that everything is okay; possibly perfect, as it is now.
16. If you have the willingness and it is appropriate, seek feedback from
the other person by being willing to say "I'm sorry that I did..."
whatever it is that you feel contributed to the problem ).
17. Regardless of what the other person does, work towards seeing them with
love and goodness. Know that therefore love and goodness are thus flowing
to you for your mental and physical health and well-being.
~ ~ ~ ~
[] "Steps to Forgiveness" is found by clicking: More About Forgiveness...
http://www.forgivenessday.org/
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