Lin - about family support

From: Jo's Mail (wallamara@hotmail.com)
Sun Dec 2 20:20:18 2001


Dear Lin,

I am sorry that your family doesn't understand and support you, I do understand and know that it isn't easy. I think most people if you ever get to see them with their family, or hear about what their extended family is actually like is usually a shock. To someone like you for example was to think that my family all care and support me, you would be mistaken.

Well the truth is Lin, I have several members of my family who don't understand, have looked down their noses at me and think that I am not worth the time. I have a family member who "disowned" us as her family when my grandfather died a few years ago. My husband has a dreadful situation happening in his extended family, and even some of the closer relatives have caused strain and worry at times.

Lin, there is no such thing as the perfect family. The "Leave it to Beaver" type mum just doesn't exist. What you have to do Lin is just let them go on with their lives, don't think about them, don't chase them trying to get their attention. Just stop, do what they have asked you to do and don't send them any more information about your illness. I am going to give you a word, call it my gift to you as your new friend.

The word is UNBELIEVABLE

So the next time someone in your family, someone you know from the town where you live bumps into you and says Hi Lin! How are you? are going to put on your biggest and brightest smile and no matter how bad you feel, how much pain you are in, no matter if you are worried because you have another doctor's appointment & you feel sick to death of explaining your long list of symptoms to them.... you smile and say simply one word - UNBELIEVABLE

They can think up whatever they want to, they can think wow, Lin has FINALLY got it together! She must have that pain licked! Next time someone rings you and as usual the first words we ask each other are: and how are you? are going to say -UNBELIEVABLE

Do you know why, because you might be feeling more pain than you have in months, you may have left the house in absolute chaos and you know you only have two hours left to get it in order before your guest arrives, so by using my gift - that word - UNBELIEVABLE - You are neither lying or complaining, you might think in your head yeah, unbelievable is right! I am looking for some place to puke because I feel so sick! or I am in so much pain if I don't get another pain tablet soon, I am going to faint from it here on this very spot.

Allow your family into your life to the extent that they want to, hold no expectations on what and how they should support you. Lin, you are an adult, with a wonderful husband with a wickedly dry sense of humour, don't let your family's petty gripes wear you down! Use them as stepping-stones to the new and confident you, the one who doesn't need to explain how she is feeling, just choose what is the most important thing for you to get done today, and do it. Set yourself small and realistic targets, and before you know it, you will feel better, look better AND you will gain the respect for yourself, your family will gain respect for you, and then perhaps, they might find the compassion to stand beside you and support you.

Because Lin you ARE UNBELIEVABLE!

You are AWESOME too, it isn't everyone who can stand up and ask for help, not everyone will search for ways to cope, look for answers as to why & how, but most of all, you have chosen to help others by relating to their problems and difficulties through your own.

Love & gentle hugs

Jo (your Aussie mate


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