Yep I'm home again :-)

From: Jo Eslick (joanne@bombobeach.com)
Sun Jun 2 09:17:43 2002


Hello all,

As you know the last few moths have been a considerable strain on me and my family. So much has happened, I am not going to get into it all right now, but I am going to say something that will I am sure surprise most of you.

The bubbly, positive try to help others Joey has disappeared for a while. There are many personal and family reasons for my present mood and the fact that I am not around much lately.

I have thought a lot about whether to say anything about what helped put me in this mood, but decided it was time. I wrote out a rather lengthy letter yesterday, but somehow it got lost in cyber space, and so I find myself once again trying to explain things.

Since I found the IAS in February 2001 and I have done my best to welcome newcomers, empathies with those needing some sympathy, a friend - really just someone to listen (or read...) who had an understand what life is like living in our kind of pain and overcoming the disabilities that often come with it.

After my six weeks in hospital and five and a half hours of surgery and then a car accident an hour after being released from hospital, sending my family back to a busy ER for two days was bad enough! Every time I see a wagon like the one we had I feel sick, our business has crumbled because Shane's injuries have been too bad to work and our children are of-course traumatized by the whole thing.

I left hospital on 10 mg oxycontin twice a day and I was so proud! I was pleased and excited, I couldn't WAIT to get home & experiment and see how much housework I could do!

I didn't need to self catheterise to empty my bladder after the surgery either, my body from my ribs down to my lower pelvic area didn't feel like my stomach was going to fall off if I did as little as cook a meal for my family! After the car accident, that changed again....catheterisation was there again and so was the pain and a new level of pain and fear. I HATE driving anywhere now, and when I have to go to Sydney in a few weeks to see my surgeon, Shane & I are traveling down by train, which will add an extra hour onto our trip.

I was lonely and feeling really low, I needed my IAS family....my pain was increasing along with my pain medication, I came back to the board, I had found that my determination and spirits were lifted by the messages left on the board by others, and by me answering and reaching out to help others.

Whether you have noticed or not, my recent posts have been few and far between, and the reason is because I feel the true spirit of this board, which is the freedom of speech and opinions help along with hearing about other sufferers experiences with certain situations etc. has been compromised. I answered a few letters, and yes I admit that when I re-read my response, there were a few places where further explanation would have helped however, it was the way in which my "shortcomings" were brought to my attention which hurt the most.

Instead of sending me an email asking me if there was something wrong, or showing concern for me…. or saying perhaps it was still a little too soon for me to be active on the board, these people chose to pull apart my messages, line by line, both commenting and analyzing what I meant! Of course using this approach meant that often the message was taken out of context and sounded completely absurd!

Instead of doing what I would normally do in these situations, I reacted, instead of responding with a clear head and a calmer heart. By now you will have guessed that I was hurt, deeply hurt, no actually shattered is closer to my feelings.

I have been living with a great deal of stress …. The ripple affect of not only the attack on me by people I thought were my friends, but the affects of our car accident, my surgery and other personal family issues I am close to the edge. I really don't know how to explain the intensity and the weight of the pressure, disappointments I have lived with lately and I felt the need to let you know that I am not ignoring you, I am trying to explain how much I miss you all & how much I need you, from Chrissie and her poor gentle angels who live with Chrissies haphazard and dangerous ways (we all remember the famous toe in the faucet incident….) Helen & Mary with their dry senses of humour, Nancy and her determination to make two separate houses into one happy and comfortable home, to Clare and her genuine concern for others….Brenda and her funny jokes she sends me…..because of all of these reasons I am NOT going to let the opinion of two drive me away from my friends and family!!

All I ask of you by me telling you all of this, is because it has to stop. The petty bitching and fighting, the "back door" emails picking on someone …. We are all hurting my friends, we are all frustrated and some of us bitter with the life we have been left to live with. Only love, concern, friendship and support should be allowed to be fostered on this board. Each of us is unique, and so we handle the pain and the disabilities in different ways. We also have a unique way of responding to letters….. and we should respect and honour that others right to that opinion.

My stay in hospital was for pain relief, as the pressures weighed on me to the point I was no longer coping and my pain was out of control. 48 hours having morphine injections which did help bring my pain under control, it is better but my soul still stings and my head feel foggy and confused. I KNOW I will get through this, BUT I ask that on the IAS site & bombobeach.com, we restrain from criticising others, and celebrate instead the opportunity we have to share friendship and love with others living similar nightmares to our own. That’s all I have….. I hope I can face you all again very soon, because your are precious to me and helped me through so much this last year and a half…. I won't forget, but I can't come back until I feel in my heart that I am ready.

--
Love and gentle hugs,
Joanne Eslick
Founder Australian Adhesions Support Group
http://www.bombobeach.com
NSW Australian Co-ordinator of
International Adhesions Society
http://www.adhesions.org

--
I am not a medical person, and all my messages are based
on personal experience.  I am a fellow adhesions sufferer
reaching out to help others.

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