Re: Even more problems!!!

From: K Nygren (ifirgit@yahoo.com)
Sat Nov 23 22:53:10 2002


Unfortunately, I think that men weren't given the tools to deal with illness....either that or someone forgot to teach them how to use those tools. So many of the men in my life have absolutely no clue what it is all about being sick. When I first began having problems years ago.....when they were making the MS diagnosis...I was in and out of the hospital all of the time. My husband would never come to visit me. He used to say that he didn't like hospitals. He taught my daughter well. One time, I couldn't even get out of bed. I had to crawl on the floor to the toilet...I had such a bad headache and I had to get sick. I asked him to go to the store and get tylenol but he refused. Finally, I realized that this was a really bad episode and asked him to take me to the hospital. He drove me to the door of the ER and left. Inside, they did a CT scan and felt that I needed to be transported to the neurosurgery ICU unit at the hospital in Green Bay, but they could not locate my husband to get permission to do so. I was in no condition to authorize it, so they had to wait for several hours for him to saunter into the ER. Needless to say, he never got any better. When the diagnosis was made and as I began to fall into the world of one surgery after another, our marriage fell apart. I realized that although I still loved him deep down, I certainly didn't like him. I also knew that I did much better away from him. So we were divorced. Ironically, when I went through my first couple surgeries on my bladder, it was he who was my support and no one else. That did not last long however. I have learned that it is better for me to deal with this all by myself rather than having someone by my side that is so consumed with negativity about my illness. This negativity just makes me feel so much worse. Long ago I learned to deal with this on my own. It hasn't been easy...you lie in your hospital bed just aching for someone to hold you...but, as time has gone on my family support has gotten a lot better. My mom and my sister are much more understanding and compassionate. At least now I have their understanding. That helps somewhat. As for the others, I just don't share much with them. I don't tell them, other than my daughter, when I am in the hospital, when I am not feeling well. If they don't care enough to ask...I don't feel the need to share. It works easier for me. I have built a wall around myself to shield me from those insensitivities. While it is probably not the best thing, it is necessary for me to make it through the rough times. Okay, I've rambled enough. Back to bed.

Koolinsask@aol.com wrote:Millie, I don't have anyone here either! Thank God for this site is right!!!!! And don't ever tell yourself you deserve what you get! You don't deserve this one bit, none of us do! Men can't handle women crying, I think sometimes they may feel helpless! If they don't try to understand, that can be a problem though!!!! My husband gets mad at me, and I usually tell him where to go! He has no right, nor does he have a clue how i truly feel! I have learned to take no shit from anyone! Especially those who don't even try to get this! I have lost a lot of family members, mainly my in-laws, but that's the way it goes! If you don';t want to try, then I say good-bye, we have enough damn stress!!!!!! Sorry, i think i needed to vent lol............Millie, just keep on plugging, and you are going to be okay! I really think you will be hun......

Your friend Cherryl

Karla

**Soaring with my angel**

http://www.geocities.com/karlasfamily2001 http://www.geocities.com/princessd82000/BraydensHaven


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