Re: Annemarie, Where are You?-- Sally Grigg
From: AnnMarie (sweetlilqt913@aol.com)
Sat Jun 21 22:28:11 2003
At Sat, 21 Jun 2003, Sally Grigg wrote:
>
Hello sally. I wasn't sure i there wasanother AnnMarie on the IAS or if
yo were writting to me? I have been comming on the site reguraly every
night, to check the posts to see if maybe i can help someone in need of
some kind of awnser about symptoms ect. but then realized how in the
world will I ever be able to help anyone,(my life long dream I am a cna
now, and have wanted to be a nurse since I was 4!who knew 15 years later
I would be still dreaming to be a nurse and help peple instead of
starting to make that dream reality someday) if I can't even help myself
and depend on medications and sometimes snapping at family when they are
only trying to help, then sometimes I figure how in heck will I ever be
of any help to anyone? Exspcially because I'm only 19 yrs old most of
the sweet and kind people on thissite probably know more then I do.I'm
so sorrry. i didnt mean for any of this message to come out this way. I
have just been having such a hard time dealing with this pain I really
dont know what else to do. I have always had such big dreams and high
expactaions for myself, and I feel like I'm letting myself along with
everyone else down. I wanted to be something some day and do something
that makes people feel better ( which is what got me wanting to bea
nurse so young.) and with all my neurological & gyno problems I figured
I had many medical problems, but all the more reason for me to be a
nurse since I have had first hand experiance with medical problems,
never for a second did I ever imagine that I had adhesions ( which I
dont even know howlong I have had, since my mom said even when I was
littl I ALWAYS complained of a"belly ache" ) and at that time I have had
about 4 surgeries on my abdomen,neck, and head for my VP shunt alittle
higher then my pelvis though.and the older I got the more surgeries I
had from shunt surgeries to gyno surgeries and everything in between.) I
could deal with being "sick" and have gone through so much and helping
people and reaching my goals and dreams,but ovr time expcially the past
year or so ( since I had 4 surgeries on my abdomen from my shunt because
everytime they did the surgery and cloed me up I would get another
infection in th part of my shunt that is in my abdomen) last summer my
first summer after being out of high school ( I graduated june 7, 2002)
I spent in and out of mass general hospital with the longest stay
straight through being 37 days. after all that I promised myself i was
going to take only one collage class for the R.N sursing program, and
enjoy my first summer out of school. Well around December the pain had
in my pelvis which Which I was told was adhesions from a preveious
laparotomy and some laproscopies showed had "massive adhesions" that
adheared everything to everything, and left notone signle thing in my
pelvis free. the pain I used to have usually everyday but I
couldtolerate which no medicaions and every nowan then a couple tylynol,
after dec of last year that pain became horrific pain that would send me
into my bed (or sometimes even on the floor )and so intese that I
started on 2 percocet every 4 hours for my periods only, and eventually
worked its way up to 40 mg of oxycontin twice a day and max of 2
oxycodone IR a day fo break throuh pain ( which is not doind much good
for me a all) Agian I know i say this every time I leave a message I am
so sorry to come on hre and everytime I leave a message complain and
write a book, I am just beginig to think that everything I ever wanted
is never going to happen, and I used to wish I could justbe a "normal"
19 yr. old and be able to go to the movies, and drive a car and go
shopping but I would even settle for being normal sometimes in my life
while I can still make something of my life, that will help others in
some way, thats all I want and thats all I've pretty much ever
wanted.Everytime I leave a message I intend to just say hello to
everyone and wish everyone well, and end up writting everything feel
inside ( which as u can see is alot) and complaning, and truly am sorry
thats why I dont write that much cause you swwet people on here don't
deserve to have to sit there an write my books of complainingI write.I
still havent even made my next appointment with my pcp to follow up on
my meds untill I get to pain clinic which i june 11th I believe at mass
genral for theist visit then th pain D.R will be moving to brigamen
womens hospital. I think I'm stalling on going to my pcp because I'm
afraid I will go ad e will ask howthe meds are doin helping me and I'm
afraid that if I tell him th oxycodone IR isnt doing much for my brea
through pain and I still have quit a bit of break throughpain he will
get mad and takemeoff all of them and then I will have nothing at
all.And as far as getting him to agree to tell my insurence company I
can go to PA to have surgery with Dr. Gerhart and hopfully Dr. Reich
too, I'm getting so fusterated and beginning to think I'm just going to
have to live wit this forever. I don't know what else I can say or do
to make him understand. When I finially get up the nerve to make the
appt. I am gonna bring my mom with me seeing she can be very persistant
when she needs to be, and TRY to explain to him that I have already
missed out on living a even somewhat normal life for most of my teenage
years, and would like to atleast be able to someday have one an have
children someday too.Agian I'm so sorry to write so much boring
complaints. And Sally if you were asking about me thank you very much
for thinking of me, it means alot to know that, and I'm sorry to reply
by complaing.
>Dear Annemaire, How are you doing? Did you post and I missed it?
>I hope you're okay. Sometimes I get busy, though I try to check the IAS
>Board everyday, sometimes I don't always succeed. Anyway, thinking of
>you.
>Love, Sally Grigg
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