I have been busy the whole of last week to get my medical reports ready and I send an informative e-mail to Dr Korell in Germany, I am still waiting for his reply. I got everything in order with the insurance company, thank God for that, because I would not have been able to pay for this myself. But the weird thing is, now that I got a little hope for a better future, I am scared ! Scared to go, scared for my future and scared for another surgery;all past surgeries ended up in complications and more surgeries. My GYN in StMaarten and in Holland both think that a laparoscopy is not possible by me because of the massive adhesions on the abdominal wall. I am actually thinking of backing out and just learn to live with the pain. And that pain is getting more severe every day, my painmedication is so high right now (with still little relief )that I am walking around the whole day as if I am high on drugs. I know I would not be able to life like this much longer, but I am so scared of what will happen. And nobody around me seems to understand that ! Everybody tells me to go for it and to have faith, and I just don't know anymore.
I just needed to get this out !
With all my love and friendship, Pascale Vlaun St Maarten