I do email some of the members but I know how to keep things confidential between us, so I do know more than people think I do. Your email and comments are safe with me! JEAN (from PA)
At Fri, 9 Mar 2001, rikam wrote:
>
>Well I started a letter to you this morning but have been quite busy. I
>sincerely apologize for not issuing a "statement of support" to you earlier.
>What a sad state of affairs when we have to issue such things in a support
>group of folks who ought treat each other like human beings. This is a
>place for those with adhesions to form close bonds and friendships, share
>their personal private thoughts, feelings, and experiences. We sure don't
>need the threat of dark clouds looming over us ready to dump should the
>wrong thing be said. Better watch what you all say. If you have a bad day,
>extreme pain, etc...keep those feelings in check. Don't share them. It's
>bad enough folks are already afraid of doctors now we can all be traumatized
>by the fear of a doctor jumping out of nowhere to chastise our personal
>views, feelings, and opinions that we thought we were sharing with our peers
>in a safe environment!!!! Aghhh...I'm feeling as though I have been harmed
>by all of this already....I am experiencing mental and emotional anguish due
>to the fear of a surgeon jumping out and yelling at me for saying the wrong
>thing. I'm feeling a need to consult my psychiatrist and my attorney...oh,
>and my good friend at the newspaper as well. It's a good thing you are as
>strong as you are because a phone call like that could very well cause a
>person some serious damage. I had formed absolutely zero opinion of this
>doctor and his staff by what you wrote. ZERO. I have now formed an opinion
>of him and his staff based upon his behavior, not your words. I understood
>your words and feelings...where you were coming from. Most folks don't make
>snap judgements based upon one person's opinion.
>
>Instead of calling it an adhesions support board we could call it a surgical
>referral and promotional group. hmmm....A well placed warning letting folks
>know they need to carefully choose and word what they share or they may
>receive harassing phone calls and be threatened with a lawsuit.
>Hmmm....anyone out there care to join this supportive group? I doubt it.
>It is no longer a safe place. Gee...and I thought doctors of all folks
>tried to avoid lawsuits...you know...with all the malpractice suits that go
>on? Hmmmm.....
>
>Now isn't all this just ridiculous!! Come on. How is anyone to share in an
>open and honest manner with their peers, friends, and fellow sufferers? Is
>Big Brother watching? Kind of just ruins the purpose of the board. I was
>under the impression the board is for sufferers. I didn't realize it was
>just here to drum up business for surgeons. Gee. It was such a great thing
>for folks.
>
>Uh, anyway, there are some little technicalities involved here since this is
>a group process...a support group. I won't go into details here but I'll
>write you off list as a professional could easily hang themselves in here if
>they are not careful. Keep a tape recorder next to your phone. I'll also
>get a couple of numbers and names to you. Maybe we should create a
>signature line that issues a statement such as anything contained in this
>email is purely my own personal opinion and meant only for other ARD
>sufferers with whom I share a common bond through my support list. It's
>just like any other support group. Hmmm.... accused of slander in a group
>process by stating your personal feelings. Uhhh...I won't say it...I'm
>slapping myself now and biting my tongue.
>
>Try as we might to carefully choose words which will not harm another, be
>taken personally, misinterpreted, etc. it's difficult to do especially when
>you feel passionately about the subject you are writing about. Many times
>when we are upset and come to the group for support or just to use as a
>sounding board, we feel free to just unleash our innermost thoughts,
>feelings, beliefs, and pain...usually we are not intentionally attacking any
>of those in the group as they are who we turn to for our support. We are
>careful not to harm anyone but we don't hide what we are thinking and
>feeling about the outside world (outside the group).
> I have to write in support of you. Just take comfort knowing you have the
>support of many who will back you on this one...Physicians and Surgeons as
>well. I sure don't want to get into a confrontational match as there is no
>benefit to that nor is this the place for debate...just sharing, supporting,
>understanding, caring, reaching out to each other regardless of differences
>in opinion, philosophy, treatment practices...
>
>There are many considerations that folks need to be aware of in treating
>adhesions. Quite a bit of important information seems taboo to discuss.
>This board is not the place to "debate" surgery or attack someone else's
>opinions of particular types of surgeries nor is it the place to put someone
>down for having a personal opinon or belief about a particular surgeon,
>staff, treatment plan, medication, what have you. It's no problem sharing
>differing views and opinions and not all doctors agree or have the same view
>of surgery. Some doctors have an answer for everything although it does not
>make their answers correct or the right answer or choice. If it's "argued"
>in this forum, instead of being discussed or shared, then it stops being a
>support group where folks may feel free to share and express themselves. It
>would turn into a hall of debate as each side gathers their surgeons,
>evidences, and doctors...I mention this as I've seen beginings of it on
>occasion. Discussion can be safe, supportive, and educational. If someone
>has a bad experience and comes here to vent I wouldn't worry about getting
>on the person's case, clarifying what they say, putting them down etc nor
>would I worry about it swaying someone else's opinion as to whether or not
>they have surgery. There are so many other posts proclaiming how wonderful
>a specific surgery, medication, treatment plan, or surgeon is that one or
>two "negative experiences or expressions" or one or two sharings of
>alternative forms of treatment from those brave enough to share or those who
>think they have friends here who will support them is not going to sway
>someone one way or another...etc.