I know that these times must be so difficult for you, and for you to write it down and share your experience with us, must have been very difficult. It is hard enough having to deal with the return of adhesions, let alone the loss of a relationship.
One can only hope that God has better plans for you, and this was not meant to be. I know having ARD puts it's strains on all relationships, and perhaps many of our spouses would have chosen to leave if the ties of marriage (our houses, children) wouldn't hold them to us. I think of that with my husband, thinking that he is young, attractive, and could start a new life with someone else that he could be enjoying life more, than someone that cannot go out dancing with him, or have an intimate relationship with him, but after 13 years of marriage he has stayed by my side. The strains on our marriage have been great at times, and I have been the one that sometimes feels that I want out because he doesn't understand that there are days that I can't be the wife, mother, cook, cleaning lady of the home and must listen to him grumble about what hasn't been done around here. He doesn't understand the endless hours I spend here at the IAS board wanting to help others; says I put them before myself, that I should be looking for a cure for myself; ha, ha, if there just was one.
Having the love of one's family close always helps, perhaps with them near you will not feel so alone in this world. Perhaps after you are gone he will come to his senses and realize that he has lost a very precious lady, that although you have ARD and cannot hit the lights fantastic, you are more special and have more love to give than anyone else in this world. One day Janet, I do believe, that there will be a cure for us, and we will be able to live as we once did. Please keep that thought close to your heart.
If I can do anything to help you, please let me know.
Love,
Helen C.