You know what you said in an earlier email about standing up to your doctors and not letting them walk all over you? You need to do the same thing with your family.
You now have made attempts to educate them to your problems. WHEN you are done sending them everything that you feel you want to send them then stop. Prepare yourself a letter or a speech or something for the first time they criticize you. And when they do say, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for your criticism. I am too busy trying to deal with my own physical problems and the affect that your criticism is having on me only makes matters worse. Therefore I have less and less time to enjoy your conversations. The time that I was spending listening to your comments will now be spent in prayer with God as I ask him to give all families the patience and understanding that a family should have. You pray that this is not a detail that gets overlooked again when families are made. Tell them that you are praying that some day they will develop the patience and find the time that is necessary to understand your problems and be able to deal with them instead of pretending they don't exist. Pretending they don't exist doesn't make the problems go away. In fact, the problems multiply as you are forced to deal with the emotional issues that have been forced upon you by people who couldn't find the time. I will be more than happy to make time for you when you have educated yourself on my problems and are better able to help me deal with them.
Next time they start talking about your house, your clothes, your weight...whatever they complain about that is none of their business, tell them to talk to your husband. He is the one that lives with you day in and day out and if he isn't complaining what right do they have to complain. John needs to be ready to tell them what he thinks...to stand up for you.
Lin, it really is time for you to separate yourself. Your problems will lessen significantly when you decide that you don't care what your family thinks. You will also probably be surprised at how your family begins to treat you with more respect when they realize you aren't going to take their crap. Be tough with them and every time they start in remind them that you deserve respect and consideration. If they don't give you that then stay away from them.
Love you!
-- KarlaSomewhere up in the stars.............. My angel and me!
http://www.geocities.com/karlasfamily2001 http://www.geocities.com/princessd82000/BraydensHaven
> ----- Original Message ----- From: J&L VERMEY To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Sent: Sunday, December 02, 2001 8:05 PM Subject: I'm so upset!
I'm so upset!
I've been sending my family information pertaining to my illness, and to do with chronic pain - as their support, frankly put, really SUX!
Their response:
"Please don't send anymore - we're too busy to read it."
In other words - THEY CAN'T BE BOTHERED!!!!
I give up! I totally give up!
I'm never going to receive the support I wish I could get from them - I really feel my family doesn't give a damn!
I'm feeling SOOOOO HURT!
They don't understand, they don't want to understand!
I'm really starting to hate and disrespect my family - they claim to be Christians - and always act so "holy", but when it comes to supporting their daughter and sister - I only get preached at! I only get criticised, negative criticism, never positive. They're so involved in living their own life's that they NEVER consider what I am going through?
They don't give a stuff about the fact that day in day out I am in so much pain that I can't think straight, that often I go around feeling like I have to vomit, that often I can't eat anything for days! When they see what a mess my home is in I'm accused of being lazy. I'm always being accused of the fact that I'm not a good wife - that I don't provide John with enough support - that I don't always cook the evening meal. I get asked so often the question "when are you going to lose some weight?" - as if they are so perfect!
I don't know for how much longer I can put up with that kind of support!
I am so close to cutting ALL CONTACT with my family - and to think STUFF THEM!
I try and try and try. But they shoot me down whenever they can. They are always letting me down.
Who needs family like that? I need them like I need a hole in my head!!!
I can't stop crying...
And I was feeling so optimistic this morning.
Now all I can feel is my pain. And John is out of the office for a couple of hours - so I can't talk to him!
Lin