Kristie, Please don't give up, I can relate, my significant other just got into a really bad car accident last Friday. He is injured pretty bad, but he will be ok, just gonna take time to heal, he has a couple of broken ribs and a broken sternum. Anyway I have been running myself ragged the last few days trying to take care of him. I already have a bad case of ARD, adhesions related disease, and am in pain all the time, I am suppose to take it easy, but he needs care.
Anyway the other day I just couldn't keep moving, but I had to, I was forcing myself to keep going, the pain and stress was so bad that I was gagging trying to hold back the nausea. I know you thinking, 'what's the point', well the point is that I have been in that place "I can't take it anymore, God please take me!" I am fairly religious too and I wouldn't commit the ultimate sin of suicide.
Last week I went to see my Dr. because I was starting to get the headaches that had put me in the hospital last year, I was scared, I didn't want to go there again. I told my Dr that I was so tired of being in pain all the time, I pleaded to her "if I was a horse they would have shot me a long time ago to put me out of my misery, the fact that they won't is discrimination" she found that kind of funny and said she didn't think that the Supreme Courts would support my argument. Then she looked at me seriously and asked if I was going to be ok, not going to do anything to hurt myself? I said "no, you know I am not like that, I'll just pray harder that God will deliver me from this pain"
So I know what you mean when you say, "I want to give up but I won't." Kristie, we just can't for whatever our reasons we just can't. I have 3 children with the significant other that I was telling you about and I guess I have recently come to the realization that I can't even ask God to take me, because I have always thought that even if I wasn't here that the children would still have there father, but with this close call accident, I have to realize how easily he could be take out too and then the children would have no one, so it is not right for me to wish to die prematurely.
I guess this is just my point of view, I just want to tell you to hang in there!
Take Care, Many Pain Free Hugs and Wishes to you and yours, Tammy Lynn
>----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, March 23, 2004 8:04 PM
Sender: extrafeetmom@yahoo.com (Kristie)
Subject: I want to give up......but I wont
.....I am so anxious. So much is going on. I want to be medication free but I can't. I can't sleep with out something. And tonight the pain is so bad I can't seem to get to relax. I took an "Aluna" which is a natural pill.
I sure would never take my own life because I have seen first hand what death does to a family unexpectedly. Besides I am very religious. But man I hurt so bad. I just want IT to end.
Sorry for rambling..........I just am so tired. And hurting. Kristie
-- Let's be good to ourselves..Kristie