After the last ER visit when the doctor actually told me not to return for meds I am absolutely terrified!!!! I never thought I'd have to face a doctor who looked at me like some crack cocaine junkie off the street and hear him tell me that the pain isn't that bad and that if it was I should be attended to by a private phsyician not an emergency room.
Well the hospital I go to is a CHARITY HOSPITAL with CHARITY CLINICS and I"ve gone to just about every clinic, via referrals from the ER to OB/GYN oncology, OB/GYN, Surgical, Internal Medicine, etc etc......they have yet to do a darn thing and I am seriously worried that this 4 hour trip to Mississippi is going to turn out to be the same thing.
I am making the trip alone on borrowed money and grocery money for my family for the month and if it turns out to be a wild goose chase I am not sure what I am going to do. Driving off a bridge would be a very easy option as I have to cross several large and tall bridges.....If no one can help me and this dr is my last hope...what is next????
I know, I'm sorry, all I seem to do is ramble and ramble and not make one bit of sense. I am on borrowed pain meds (Tylenol 4, Norflex, & Skelaxin) and am no better than without it. I sleep, I hurt. I walk, I hurt. I stand, I hurt. I sit, I hurt. I talk, I hurt. I am soooooooo tired of all of this. Why oh why does it have to be so hard to get these stupid adhesions taken care of properly? If I had the money or the insurance I would go to Korell or R&R but I don't......I can't even get medicaid.....my rope has begun to burn and there i sn't much left........
I wonder how long I can go on like this? I wonder how we have all survived such a debilitating disease that not only robs us of our health, but our mind, our soul, our very being. What I wouldn't give for one day of being healthy, happy, strong and pain free so that I could be the person I was before I became this amoeba that is simply existing day by day.
I don't want to win the lottery or be rich or be famous.......... I just want to have a dr who is going to treat me for the adhesions with pain medications that work......I want a doctor who actually cares how I feel......I want a doctor who listens when I tell him it's stabbing pain and not correct me and say "no that is blah blah blah" I want someone who gives a damn about me as a person!
I'm sorry for blabbering on so......family doesn't seem to have time to listen to my aches and pains anymore and friends, well you are all my friends.
How I long for a normal life.
Signed, Crying in Chalmette, Missy